2010 Thanksgiving Poem

I pondered my faith
As I shuffled through leaves
Pulling deep within
‘Til my view was Thee

Then I heard Your voice
Whispering joy to me
So I stopped in my tracks
And fell to my knees

My sweet boys came to mind
My health was good
But my heart was full
Because there You stood

You touched my hand
You caressed my cheek
My soul was on fire
You’re all I seek

Having You at the center
I count the rest but loss
My thanksgiving is in You
No matter the cost

Your love is better than life
My reason for living
I want to live a life worthy
And in abundant thanksgiving!

God's Word Anew

I bought a new Bible. Maybe that doesn’t sound like a big thing, but it is to me. The Bible I’ve been using for the past 5 years has become my best friend. It’s well worn; there are highlights all over and the cover is about to fall apart. It’s been to Mexico, Africa, Haiti and various parts of the US. It’s accompanied me in the woods, by streams and has literally laid on my person when I needed physical or emotional healing. I’ve never left anywhere overnight without it. I have many other Bibles, but they just won’t do. I need that Bible. It’s a study Bible and I truly love the questions and answers in the side columns and the great commentary at the bottom. However, I felt God’s Spirit whisper something different to me a few days ago.

Last Friday I spent the day at the Creation Museum. It is was wonderful to explore the incomprehensible planetarium as I got a glimpse of God’s vastness; I walked through the garden of Eden, the building of Noah’s ark and read scripture after scripture supporting Biblical Truth about how we were created and God’s plan of redemption. I felt such a warmth as His Word literally washed over my body and rested deeply within. The afterglow lingered into Saturday.

I headed out to run a few errands Saturday evening. I stopped in a Christian bookstore for no intended purpose. It was just nearby. As soon as I walked into the store, I immediately felt God’s Spirit tell me to buy a new Bible. As soon as I heard that voice, I felt a rush of excitement building in me. Prior to this, there would have been no convincing me to part with my beloved best friend that has truly been my life support. But that all changed in an instant. I heard Him speak and I walked straight to the Bible aisle. I felt strongly that I wanted just God’s Word—not life application commentary, not question and answers to study—just His Word.

As I made my purchase, I bounced out of the store and couldn’t wait to get home to start reading it from start to finish. I texted both my boys in my excitement and let them know about my new Bible. I believe they think I’m a bit silly, but I told them I pray every single day that they will get as excited about God’s Word as I do.

When I got home that evening, I prayed over it and asked God to reveal His Truths more deeply and powerfully to me…I told Him I want to know Him like never before. I actually didn’t let it out of my sight all evening.

So I’m 4 days in with my new best friend and the euphoria has not worn off. I am reading through Genesis and thoroughly enjoying basking in the joy His Word brings to me each morning, mid-day and again at night. I am so very thankful to have His Word living in me to teach, guide and comfort.

I can’t wait to see what He has in store as I keep digging.

Expect a Miracle

I have come to expect miracles. The Power that raised Jesus from the dead lives inside of me and He is operating in miraculous ways inside and outside of me. I love watching God’s providence unfold before my very eyes in my daily life. As I live this beautiful and glorious life that comes from loving Him above all else, I often want to kick myself for the wasted years spent loving Germaine just way too much. But we won’t go there…it’s not pretty. I was obsessed with me and all that made me feel good and what I wanted. I ebbed and flowed through highs and lows always searching for that next high and loathing the lows. Neither had the true eternal meaning that filled my soul.

I am working through a Bible study that has 5 tenets as the foundation. The first 2 are: God is who He says He is and God will do what He says He will do. I have come to believe these 2 statements with all my heart. And that is primarily because my faith grows simply because God is so faithful.

Last Sunday, I was making my normal 2.5 daily trek through the woods…IPod in my ears and a 5 lb weight in each hand. The leaves had begun to fall and I slipped down a hill twisting my ankle really bad. I continued on. As I meditated and prayed, the pain did not seem so bad. However, when I got home, it had swelled and bruised quite nicely. Within several hours, it was very ugly. The next morning, I came to work and God brought Matthew 9:29 to mind from my Bible study the night before…”According to your faith it will be done to you.” I taped it to my ankle and believed my faith would heal me. I was texting Derek and telling him what I was doing. He just shook his head and said something about me being strange. (I get that a lot.) I asked him if he truly thought God’s Word was living and he said yes. Then I asked him if he believed if it was alive that it had the power to seep into my skin and heal me. Once again, he said yes. The next day, there was almost no indication of my fall. Bruising and swelling was gone.

God was not done. I have been arguing for months about a bill that I did to feel I should pay. On Thursday, I got a refund check and on Friday I received an e-mail saying they cut the bill in half. The check and bill were within $1 of each other. God provides. God is faithful. God is always by my side.

He very often does big, extraordinary things to encourage me in my faith. I am so grateful that He loves me enough to take such good care of me. I am also watching Him work in my life as He is transforming me through a process that is nothing short of a miracle. I have baggage I’ve carried with me since grade school. Yes, that long. I have poured over Scripture, been on my knees and have simply worn out the Throne regarding sin that I want out of my life. Nothing was working. I often felt defeated. I often got tired of the fight. But through His divine ordination of events, books, prayer and Scripture. I am feeling a revolution about to unfold. I am feeling free. I have laid claim to His promises and have chosen not to let go until I’m free from bondage. As I write, I am toward the end of a very specific process that is about to transform me into an even newer creation with a purer heart and cleaner hands. I can’t wait to get there. Stayed tuned.

The God I Love

I read to be inspired. If a book is not teaching or inspiring me, I usually close it and move on. I used to feel obligated after starting a book to finish it. I’m not sure why. I think after I plopped down $10-15, I felt I had to get my money’s worth. But now most of my book purchases come from Half Price Bookstores, so I pay a buck. I can assure you, there’s no guilt anymore if I don’t finish the book.

Over the past three weeks or so, I have not read a lot. I kinda went through a dry spell. Every time I picked up a book to read, it seemed flat. I found there was a reason for that. God wanted more of my attention in other areas at the moment. He had things to show me…He wanted to change me…He wanted to reveal specific things to me. I am convinced that every single thing in my life is ordained, even the books I read. I know this, because I live it and hear Jesus speak daily. I won’t reveal all He discussed with me recently—some is much too personal, but it’s safe to say I feel a greater peace and closeness with Him as a result.

But last Sunday after visiting my family in WV, I borrowed a book my mom just finished. It’s the memoir of Joni Eareckson Tada called The God I Love. The title alone drew me to the book. I finished it in a week.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine turned me on to an interview with her. I listened to it twice. It spoke very powerfully to me. Joni has been a quadriplegic for over 40 years. She just recently learned she had breast cancer. She said in the interview that when people come up and ask if they can pray for her healing, she says yes, but she’s more interested in them praying for her self-centeredness; pride; impotence, and slothfulness. Wow! She could garner all the authentic, godly sympathy she wanted in her condition, but she is more concerned about her sanctification and become closer to Christ. She truly inspires me.

I had this interview on my mind quite a bit and when I saw her memoir on mom’s nightstand, I knew I needed to read it. I finished in a week. She talks very candidly about her struggles after her diving accident, but it is clear she was and is fully aware that looking squarely in the face of Jesus and focusing on who He is is the only thing that brings her healing and peace. It’s not about what someone else did or didn’t do or what has happened to her or how she is feeling. It is all about the nature and character of God. And loving Him through His son Jesus!

She said at one point in the book, “My pursuit of Him was no longer something extraordinary—it was my everyday routine.” It was about the cross—nothing more; nothing less. “The world’s worst murder became the world’s only salvation.” As she poured over the Scriptures, memorized them, sung them and made them her own, she started to become the whole person He wanted her to be. I closed the book with a renewed joy to seek Him above all else—not just each day, but each minute of each day.

I Want To Be A Sanctuary

I was pulling out of the driveway this morning at the same time as Zach. I watched as he backed his car out. He swung wide and his front tires rolled into the grass as he cut the wheel a bit too sharp. As I looked at him and shook my head, he put his index finger to his lips and said, “Shhhhh.” Then he mouthed, “It wasn’t me” as he grinned and headed down the road. My boys make me smile; they bring me joy and can put a spring in my step.

Sometimes, however, we run into speed bumps. Our differences cause friction in our relationship and in the family. As I chat with friends about things that I'm working through at home, most will say it’s typical and they went through it too. But while teenager differences and difficulties may be a part of most families, I was determined to stand firm on the character issues that needed to be addressed. The problems always go deeper than the superficial disagreement. God is so kind to grant me wisdom and knowledge to parent. He shows me exactly where I need to focus to bring the greatest reward and helps me help my boys become the young men that He wants them to be. But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

I’m very thankful to God as He walks with me and continues to reveal what He wants for me as well. That, too, is a process. Over the past few weeks, He’s been working in several areas. All of which, are designed to make me more like Him. And as I draw to Him, I have a new and refreshing joy. Here’s what He’s been saying to me:

--Circumcise your lips…carve away all the unnecessary words, so that my lips can surely be an overflow of my heart. A preacher once said to “think” before speaking…are your words True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary, Kind. If not, don’t say it.

--He is asking me to love the person right in front of me. Not to spend too much time on what is on my calendar later in the day, later in the week or even think about what or who I want to spend time with, but love the person that God puts right in front of me at that moment.

--Focus on God, Himself, and not my circumstances. The circumstances often take on a life of their own. God is much, much bigger and I must stay fixed on Him. Listen. Period.

I just spent the weekend with my family in WV and love being there. It is relaxing. I had great conversations, ate well, visited with old friends, and spend time alone with God in the stunning nature He created. He shifted me while I was there. I want to keep being attentive to what He has to say. I was able to worship in my childhood church, and we sang…

Lord, prepare me to be a sanctuary
Pure and holy, tried and true
With thanksgiving, I'll be a living
Sanctuary for You

It is you, Lord
Who came to save
The heart and soul
Of every man
It is you Lord
who knows my weakness
Who gives me strength,
With thine own hand.

Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary
Pure and Holy, tried and true
With thanksgiving I'll be a living
Sanctuary for you

Lead Me on Lord
From temptation
Purify me
From within
Fill my heart with
You holy spirit
Take away all my sin

Lord prepare me to be a sanctuary
Pure and holy, tried and true
With thanksgiving, I'll be a living
Sanctuary for You

I can’t get these words out of my head!

Fully Possessed

I want to be fully possessed by His presence. It’s a line from a recent book I read, but exactly how I feel and my heart’s greatest desire. I read two books back to back that have begun to move me to that place. They have inspired me to redefine how I define a successful day and shift my way of thinking. And as I redefine and shift, I also must be able to do this in the midst of struggle. That, my friend, is where the rub is.

The first book called I Will Die Free is about a wrongly accused minister who was sent to a Cuban prison for 22 years. He was tortured every single day of those 22 years, yet remained faithful to God and held worship services in the prison to bring many to Christ. He focused completely on all things eternal in the midst of pain and agony that I can’t imagine enduring for 1 day, let alone 22 years. He was steadfast and drew strength from Jesus when he had absolutely nothing to give, nothing left to offer of his broken body. And God was faithful to the end. The pastor declared, “Under no circumstances would I cease witnessing for my God. Witnessing for Him was my power, my strength, my will to go on.”

Last week, I was struggling through a difficult situation. I cried. I prayed. I buried myself in His Word and I prayed some more. Eventually, I just fell at the feet of Jesus and laid there all week. I had nothing left to offer. And He came through as faithfully as always. He brought me peace, joy, wisdom and a complete turnaround in the situation that was before me. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…that’s all I got to say! I stayed eternally focused, but at times became weary at what was before me. I wanted to be done and run. I didn’t move in that direction, but my lack of faith led me to even give voice to those sentiments inside my head. I, obviously, have a ways to go.

The second book titled Love Has A Face details the journey of a lady born with one hip and one leg who has allowed herself to be consumed by the love of Jesus in Sudan. She started an orphanage and is now caring for almost 90 little ones. She is witnessing great miracles and watching the love of Jesus shine into the hearts of the people in her village on a daily basis. This lady epitomizes being radically intimate with Jesus to the point that she defines success only by a journey deeper into His love. It is from His love that all her actions flow. I want to reach that kind of intimacy. I want to be so transformed that I become the message I’m called to bring. That is my prayer.

So as I enter into a new week with new challenges and things to deal with, I remind myself that going deeper with Him is my only calling for the day. It allows non-eternal things to fall by the wayside and my focus to be squarely on Him. What is significant all of a sudden becomes a speck in my day; stupid things that were consuming my thoughts all of a sudden become distasteful; life has an eternal spring and I’m bouncing to new heights.

This morning, I had something on my mind I wanted to put to rest. I stayed in God’s Word until He had something for me. I prayed until I found peace and God brought it to me. He gave me wisdom and clarity that filled my squishy little brain and moved out all the stuff that didn’t belong. I’m thankful that He loves me so much and never, ever say’s to me, “You again?” He just says, “Come, my precious.”

Amazing Mexico

Prepping For The Mission

The night before the boys and I left for Mexico, I wanted to have time just to settle down and prep for the trip. So we went out to dinner, chatted and prayed together. We then picked up a few last minute items and just hung out at the house. It was nice.

As we got into the evening, I was discussing with Derek how God calls us all to different things and regardless we must be obedient. The conversation drew toward the “least of these” and orphans. I told him that I didn’t feel a call to adopt, but only to help in other capacities. I said, “However, if God called me to that end, I wouldn’t have a choice but to be obedient…and I do think I could imagine a couple of little boys running around the house.”

He shut that conversation down quickly. He didn’t even want to discuss it. Both boys are very protective of our current family unit. They don’t like the thought of a new daddy or additional brothers. I think there is a lot of security for them in leaving things right as they are. I told Derek that I understood how he felt, but God’s call is not my choice.

So after arriving in Mexico on Saturday, we spent that first day having a pool party and cookout with the kids from two of the orphanages. Derek was having a ball playing with the little boys and they quickly became quite attached to him. As we were eating, Derek looked at me and said, “I’m gonna go ahead and warn you mom that you’re gonna be a grandma several times over before this week is done.” I smiled as I thought of our conversation just two days prior. He was in love with these kids and could feel his heart being pulled.

That is exactly why I love to serve with my boys. I love to experience the joy they receive as God works in their hearts unexpectedly. I begin to imagine what it would be like if the three of us could go serve overseas for a year together. I’d love that and would do it in a heartbeat. I don’t see it happening, but I’ll wait and trust…who knows what God has in mind.

My Send Off

I was reading through the book of Romans prior to leaving for Mexico. Just a few days before we left, I found myself camping in chapter 10, verse 15: And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"

It was the verse God chose to accompany me as I left. It became a very powerful force for me. As I meditated on the verse, so much came to mind regarding my purpose not just on this mission trip, but my single purpose in life. It is to bring the Good News. I love the first line that lays it out for me…I can’t preach if I’m not sent and the only way I can be sent is if I answer, “Yes.” I must act. I must be obedient to His call. No other substitute will due.

And then as I answer the call to spread the Gospel, my Savior calls me beautiful. I can’t think of anything that brings me more joy than knowing my Lord sees beauty in my actions. So with my beautiful feet, I leaped all the way to Mexico. I couldn’t wait to get there.

Spreading the Gospel looks differently on each trip I’ve taken and certainly on this trip as well. “Preaching” comes in different forms. A child who has been abandoned by their parents, who lacks a room to call their own, bedtime stories each night and a birthday party just for them doesn’t care to be “preached” to. They want to be loved. They want to know for the moment you are with them that they matter. It’s through these acts that a platform is developed to then let them know, I love them and so does Jesus.

My feet took off and rarely stayed on the ground while I was there, but I know for that week there were kids who felt special and felt cared for even if it was just for a short time.

Crossing The Border

As we began to plan for the trip and book our flights, we found out that the prices of plane tickets skyrocketed. We decided to save money and try an alternative route, so we booked a flight to McAllen, TX, a town right on the border and took a bus to Monterrey. I was excited about the new route. I’ve sat in many airports. That does not thrill me. So Saturday morning, we left our hotel and jumped on a bus to cross the border. As we approached the border patrol station to enter the country of Mexico, I found the scene particularly odd. There was not a single car at the border. The place is usually a mad house.

As our bus pulled up, the bus driver got off and chatted with the guys patrolling the border. In a few minutes, one of the guys got on our bus to check things out. He walked down the isle, looked around a bit and then got off. A short time later, we were on our way to Mexico. It was great. I found out later on that the Internet was showing that the McAllen entrance to the border was closed, so I guess no one headed that way. I am thankful for God’s provision in allowing us a perfectly safe and short passage to Mexico. I was reminded of Malachi 1:5 “You will see it with your own eyes and say, ‘Great is the Lord—even beyond the borders of Israel!’” I did see with my own eyes that our great God moved beyond the borders of Israel right to the border of Mexico.

The trip back across was equally as safe. By the following Saturday, the traffic had increased greatly because another border site was actually closed. It was a 3-hour ride to the border from Monterrey and then we sat at the border for 3 hours until we were allowed to cross. It was an easy process as we exited the bus with our luggage, walked through security and to the other side. The bus picked us up and we were on our way. We all expressed our delight that the delay was on the back end and not as we were headed to serve Jesus.

Even with all the constant negative coverage in the news of the violence between the cartels and police, I can honestly say there was not a single moment as our team moved back and forth across the border where I felt unsafe. I felt the same during my entire stay at Back2Back. I would not hesitate to do it again.

Breaking My Heart

The founder of World Vision is often quoted as saying, “I want my heart to be broken by the things that break the heart of God.” That idea permeated much of my journal writing and thoughts as I served through the week. I’ve had my heart broken in Africa, Haiti and already in Mexico, but I wanted it to break in new places. I wanted it to break and not mend.

The founder of Back2Back ministries, Beth Guckenberger, insists that she is not looking for people to come down and have a mountaintop experience. She wants orphan advocates. Period. So as our team worshipped together and debriefed during the evening, we walked through a concept that helped shift our way of thinking from just the week to how it affects our character for God. It starts with an experience, which leads to reflection, which leads to change, which leads to action. Each of the fours steps are designed to allow us to move with God beyond one week in Mexico.

Each day as we visited orphanages, played with the kids, worshipped with them and did painting and construction projects to improve where they call home, I found myself processing my broken heart. I wanted God to build my character, teach me to see them through His eyes and then shift my way of thinking on how my gifts, my passions, and my energy can be used for His service.

I’m still processing all that He taught me and where He is leading me…

The Mountains Burst Forth

Each morning I arose early to have extra quiet time with God. I grabbed a cup of coffee and my Bible as I stepped out on the steps to view the most stunning mountains I have ever seen. Some mornings the fog would be floating along the tips and burn off as the sun peaked through and kissed the edges of the mountains. It was a magnificent sight! I immediately turned in my Bible to Isaiah 55:12 “You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace. The mountains and the hills will burst forth into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.” I truly felt like the mountains before me were bursting forth into song. Nature is my sanctuary. I can go for a walk in the woods or just be outside and feel the presence of Jesus.

Due to the way hurricane Alex devastated the campus of Back2Back ministries and flooded surrounding areas, we had to take a bus the first day to one of the orphanages that was only a mile away. I so wanted to walk and just be outside and enjoy God’s beauty as I headed to serve the “least of these.” On the third day, we were scheduled to go back to that same orphanage to do more projects and I found out the streets had dried enough for us to walk. I was so excited and couldn’t contain myself. Certain things…small things…they bring me great joy. And when I’m on a mission trip, those little joys become even more thrilling.

Down From Heaven

The theme of our devotional for the week was Hunger. Each day I read Scriptures and meditated on a different aspect of hungering for Jesus. It was very good. One day was particularly compelling as God spoke to me through the Bread of Life passage in John 6:25-59. Jesus implores us in this passage to hunger only for Him. To “not work for food that spoils” and remember that “the one who feeds on me will live because of me.” Nothing else will due. Nothing else will satisfy. I camped there for a while. As I reread the passage, I was captivated by the phrase “down from heaven” that was often repeated. I wanted to focus only on things that had eternal value and not the things of this world that do not satisfy.

I held on to this thought as I went into my day to be with the kids. I wanted to look into their face and have them touch my heart and prayed that God would allow me to make a small difference for eternity by showing His love to them. I wanted to step out of His way so He would work through me to show me what He had planned for me in advance of my arrival in Mexico.

God also brought me to Deuteronomy 8 during that same morning. This is one of my favorite books. As I was reading some of Moses’ final words, he was reminding the Israelites of all that God had done for them. I moved to verse 10 “When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you.” I prayed to God that I would always praise Him in the midst of all circumstances and that I would stay focused on Who provided for me and not what He provided.

I moved through that day viewing the kids through His eyes and had an extra spring in my step to improve the place they call home. I thought of the future God has for them…His perfect plan for their life…I wanted them to know how very special they are because the Creator of the universe made them in His image. I often think of Esther. The king had many beautiful women in his harem, but God chose a Jewish orphan to save her people. It breaks my heart that some of these beautiful children may never have the love and encouragement God desires for them so they can live out His plan for their lives.

The Cross Still Stands

On our third day we visiting a squatter village referred to as Rio 3. It was completely devastated by the hurricane that occurred just 2 weeks before our arrival. The poorest of the poor use scraps of anything they can salvage and make their home along the river. That is government property, so in essence it’s free to them unless the government comes along and kicks them off. That usually doesn’t happen.

As I walked along where their homes once stood, I watch as families continued to scrounge through the debris to salvage what little they could to make a new home a short distance farther from the riverbed. The view was stunningly surreal. I kept thinking of a question from my devotional last year during my visit to Mexico when I was asked—what if I woke up one morning in Rio? How would that change my relationship with Jesus? I was consumed by that thought. What if I lost all my worldly possessions and was asked to live in deep poverty? Would I still love Jesus as much as I do today? I don’t have the answer, but I continue to pray that my hold on the things of this world is very loose.

I saw Jesus everywhere, because in my heart I knew He had not abandoned these wonderful people. As I continued to stroll along the riverbank, I was struck by a pole in the shape of the cross, covered in garbage standing all alone. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. God left His footprint behind after the hurricane to remind us all that He had not left and the cross still stands. All are welcome! I could hear Him whispering to me that He had did not leave them and neither should I.

My Precious Ximena

On our final day after our projects were done, we had a completely free day to spend with the kids. We took them to an amusement park. Each of us was matched with a child and they were our partner for the day. My special little two-year old girl was Ximena. During the first hour, she seemed distant. She wanted to do her own thing and holding her was the only thing that helped at all. She didn’t want down, she didn’t want to play, and she didn’t want to ride. So I held her, and she quickly melted. Her face began to light up as I rode the carousal with her and other rides; she played in the water; she seemed to feel safe. She began to touch my heart.

By mid afternoon she was wearing down, so I cuddled her in my arms and sang Christos me ama (Jesus love me) to her. And she was out, so I laid her down on one of the picnic tables under the palopta. As I watched her precious sleeping face, I couldn’t help think about how precious she is in the eyes of Jesus and it saddened me that she may never really understand that. She will grow up with a sense of abandonment, hurt, and poverty. My prayer for her that day and today is that her physical needs continue to be met and that as she gets a little older she is introduced to her Father in heaven who loves her more than she can imagine. This will give her purpose, hope and joy that knows no bounds.

The day before I sang to Ximena and the kids at her home as a group. I watched them as they all napped and caught glimpses of their sweet faces in passing. But now the orphan truly has a face to me. It’s now very personal. It’s breaking my heart.

My Boys

I love serving with Derek and Zach. They are teenage boys who both respond differently to the mission and it’s a joy watching them at work. Derek is an extremely hard worker. Every time I looked around he was covered in sweat and dirt, lifting and carrying out the hardest of the jobs. But as I mentioned earlier, he had his heart melted by the kids as well. The little boys just loved him, and Derek loved them. As we talked after returning home, he said he would love to be back there. He said he wants to go down there and just work hard on behalf of the orphans. He’s young and has a strong back and that’s how he likes to serve.

Zach is much more relational, like his mama. He is not afraid to work and will do anything he is asked, but he loves building new relationships and having fun in the process. He did just that. He trimmed trees, scraped walls and hauled dirt, but he also made new friends. He is fiercely independent and enjoys just approaching people on his own and in his own way without my interference. I love that about him.

I made it a point to have intentional moments with both boys while we were down there, but also let them have their space to experience things on their own. At 16 and 19 that is important to them. I’m fine with that. I love watching from a distance and taking it all in. God is good!

!Nuestro Dios es grande! (Our God is Great)

One of the things I love when I serve in another country is to worship with those I’m serving…in their language and to our same God. It is very moving. We did that on Sunday morning at the children’s home where we spent two days during the week. There was some translation for those like me who only know pieces of the language, but mostly it was completely in Spanish. I loved singing, praying and feeling God’s Spirit move in my heart. I was completely filled.

I love language and enjoy knowing a little bit of at least 5 different ones. As God moves me in a specific direction, I hope to get fluent in just one or two. But only knowing a smattering of Spanish didn’t hinder my time with God. I found myself singing right along and worshipping in a way I don’t always feel in my home church. It was intimate and joyful. I pray I carry that same spirit over into my everyday life.

So What Now…

I continue to process and pray through all that God revealed to me on my trip. I pray my heart remains broken and that He moves deeply in the lives of my boys. I want us all to be forever changed by our experience. I want my actions to be eternally focused and to lay down any level of Esau syndrome that I have where I chose immediate gratification over storing up things in heaven.

I find myself drawn toward a life helping those most set aside by our world…those marginalized…those who are hurting. I’m not sure what this looks like yet, but my heart is open to where God leads and how He wants to use me. I want to hunger for Him and Him alone.

I also pray that my boys will truly see the work God is doing in their lives as individual children of the King and what He is doing in our family as a whole. I’m very proud of them and expressed that to them in a letter when we returned. I wrote them each a very personal letter and laid it on their pillow.

I’ll keep praying and keep staying focused on His face!

I'm Madly In Love

I love God's Word. I go to it when I'm excited. I dig in deep when I'm searching. I breathe it in when I need encouragement. I find myself in it many times throughout the day. I'm so thankful He gave us that precious gift.

I was thinking of the Scriptures I've been meditating on over the last few weeks. Each of them landed in my heart with God's perfect timing for what He wanted to show me. I love the way He weaves His message with all that is going on in my life and shows me those perfect Truths that stand on solid ground.

For a solid week I meditated on Psalm 16. I was reminded that "apart from you I have no good thing." Nothing has any meaning in my life if it is not centered on God. Every single verse held profound meaning for me as I soaked in the joy of knowing that He has me right where He wants me because He "assigned" it to me.

Later, He brought me to Jeremiah 17:7-8. I just love the word picture of seeing that regardless of my situation, I will always bear fruit for Him if my roots are firmly planted in eternal things. I must rest my confidence in Him and Him alone.

Romans 4:17 just stopped me cold one morning. He is "the God who gives life to the dead and calls things that are not as though they were." When life takes a turn differently than I expect, regardless of how big or small it is, I can rest comfortably knowing that in His sovereignty He sees way ahead and orchestrates my life to His beautiful plan before the future has even happened. I hung on those words for days.

And Ecclesiastes 11:1-6 was simply beautiful. He has called me to be His servant right where He has planted me regardless of the circumstances. I may not understand why things are happening or what He has in mind for me, but I know what He has called me to do. The seeds I sow will be in His hands to do what He chooses. I'm just called to "cast my bread upon the waters."

I leave tomorrow to serve in Mexico with my boys and 15 other people. I feel a river of emotion stirring inside me and look forward to immersing myself in His work and His Word.

Shifting with God

Sometimes life seems to work out the way I'd like and sometimes it doesn't. But what God has taught me in full and living color is that it isn't about what I want or what I like. I have to always trust that He knows best and His plan far exceeds anything that I could dream up. But I make the mistake of limiting Him to my way of thinking. Bad Germaine!

Several weeks ago, I was praying about a major life decision. I was convinced things were going one way, things looked great and then God suddenly shifted everything. The week prior, I was praying about this issue and prayed not that it would happen, but that God would keep me sensitive to what He wanted for me and each day I would take one more small step of obedience in that direction. But when things didn't turn out the way I was expecting, I found myself disappointed rather that praising God for answering my prayer and moving me where He wanted me. So I prayed through the process and asked God to help turn my heart to completely toward Him that my first thought is to praise Him. Period.


And then other things began to happen...a few disappointments...a few changes...He really was moving me. I kept praying for His will. The challenge for me is to remove my will completely from the conversation. That is hard to do, but it's called surrender. It good to walk with Him. In the midst of these trying times for me, I still feel His presence very deeply. It's that supernatural strength and encouragement that I cling to. It a very, very good feeling.

I look forward to what He has in mind for me today, tomorrow and down the road.

God's Word Lived Out

The power of God’s Word is in the living. I had the privilege of going to hear Immaculee Ilibagiza speak this past week. She survived the 1994 Rwandan holocaust where over 1 million Tutsis were slaughtered by Hutus for no other reason than they didn’t like them. Immaculee was hidden in a 2 x 3 foot bathroom with 7 other ladies for 91 days. It was during that time she connected with Christ in a way that allowed her to forgive the men who butchered her mother, father and two brothers.

God taught her through the prayer His son gave to us and reminded her that she is to forgive as He first forgave us. She wrestled and struggled but eventually surrendered and then began to live out what she knew to be Truth. She is now a powerful speaker who shares her faith boldly and proudly.

The night before I listened to Immaculee, I stood in awe of God’s majesty as I looked at the most beautiful rainbow I’ve ever seen. God’s is beyond our complete understanding, but at the same time speaks in the most intimate way in tiny bathrooms in Rwanda and right here in my heart in Danville. I love being His child.

Today, Jim would have been 55. Derek and I played golf yesterday on Father’s Day and chatted quite a bit about Jim. After 5 years, I can still cry on command at the mention of his name, but then I simply repeat Jesus, Jesus, Jesus and peace washes over me. God continues to reveal His power in my life through the lives of others, through the sound of His name and most importantly through His word. He rescues me and carries me.

I know God called Jim home when He did and not me for a reason…there is no doubt in my mind. My focus must be on all things eternal. In the midst of all that He teaches me daily, He teaches me this consistently above all else…I should be very loosely tied to this world. My time, talents and treasures should all be focused on what brings Him glory. Each day, that is a new surrender, but it gets easier all the time. Bringing Him glory, brings me joy.