The Son is Shining

I was just humming along this week watching God show up and work in His usual marvelous ways in my life, and then bam! A moment of truth and crisis hit our home as I tried to walk my oldest son through a very difficult situation. For me, it became a defining moment for him. I wanted him to step back from the pain of the current situation and say, “What can I learn? God, what do you want from me?” Well, communicating that to a 17-year old is not always easy. I prayed so fervently that he would “get it." I wanted him to understand that these very bad moments in life can also be very defining ones.

So we walked through it together…I shared with him how prayer, God’s Word and godly advice are my tools for approaching decisions and encouraged him to follow my example. But he was having trouble seeing past the overwhelming issue before him. He has lingering anger from the death of his daddy and it works its way into these moments. It's a lot for him to overcome.

But I kept at it. I showed him scriptures to help him and prayed with him. But the issue lingered in my mind and kept me up all night…not the issue at hand, but the issue of him making this a life lesson. I wanted him to see that it was Jesus' example he had to be after and everything else was background noise. I wasn’t hearing that…he was still caught up in the moment. I do understand, though. I remember being 17 with a less than mature approach to life. But I want better for him.

One situation rolled into another until I had reached capacity. I stood in the lobby of the school this afternoon with my precious firstborn with tears streaming down my face and snot pouring from my nose (sorry…that’s just what happens when there are no Kleenex nearby.) For just a moment, I allowed the enemy to come too close and make me feel like I was failing as a mom. It was a burden I simply couldn’t carry at that moment.

So I left and made a beeline home to only place I wanted to be…on my knees. I poured myself out and then opened God’s Word to John 14:1. God spoke right to me—“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.” It’s a familiar verse, but I owned it at that moment and held it to my heart. God clearly told me, as He has so often, that I must trust in Him even when the hour is dark. So I read on and came to verse 8 where Philip said, "Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us." I looked up and said, “Father, you ARE enough for me.”

Then I went outside and stood in my driveway and the let God’s glorious sun shine on my face. My pain and turmoil quickly disappeared. I am so thankful for God’s faithfulness in showing me the path straight to Him.

And as I come out of this with my oldest, I have a renewed relationship with him that made the darkness all worthwhile. We’ve had deep and intense discussions and I feel good about his direction. He told me he clearly wants to be the man God wants him to be. He said he just has trouble getting there sometimes…but don’t we all?

Thank you, Jesus, for carrying me when I need you most!