True Surrender = True Joy

True surrender evolves. The rewards get better each time I more fully understand what it means to truly give something over to God. I don't do it as often as I need to, but the intimacy that comes with complete surrender is unmatchable.

Last week, Derek came to me and informed me he was in the process of making a major life decision that was in complete contrast with my wishes. He also informed me as he thought through things that he didn't want my input. He said he needed to do this one on his own. I was stunned. I'm his mama...he knows how much I love him...why wouldn't he want my advice? But he didn't. We had a bit of an emotional discussion...actually, I got emotional...I did the talking...he just listened and then said his mind was made up about deciding on his own.

So I wrestled a bit with this and then turned it completely over to God. I prayed with absolute confidence that God would guide him not only in this decision, but in his life as he makes these major steps. My confidence in God in this situation was unyielding. I quickly gained not only a deep peace, but joy as well. I told Derek I couldn't wait to see what God had planned for him...he just smiled. And I waited for his decision.

When Derek finally informed me of his decision, it ended up being exactly what I had originally wanted. I smiled and told him I was so proud of him for praying about his decision and doing what he thought was right. And then I waited. I waited for that internal celebration that I won...a little fist pumping...but it didn't happen. Even though Derek ended up making the decision I had actually wanted, I had turned it so completely over to God that it was no longer about me or what I wanted. It was all about what God wanted for Derek. I had already reached a point days before where I was totally fine with whatever he decided.

So I learned a little more about myself and a little more about God. He showed that the way I'm most effective as a mother is when I allow Him to work through me to get to my boys. I must step out of the way. I have never felt closer to God and never more proud of Derek. He held fast to what he thought he needed to do and I held fast to Jesus. That's a pretty good combination.