Eyes Wide Open

My eyes are wide open. I have this true sense of urgency to grab every moment with my boys, particularly Derek. He's almost 18 and I don't get much time alone with him. But this past Monday we volunteered together at the Extreme Makeover: Home Edition site. We worked side by side all afternoon picking up trash in the neighborhood. And I loved every moment serving with my firstborn.

What impressed me most about Derek was his hard work - he's just like his daddy. He never complained a single time that our job was to pick up garbage and he did all the heavy lifting whenever someone called. At one point, I looked up just in time to see him drop a stiff, dead cat in the bag - a job no one else would dare do. He stunk the rest of the day. At times, he can be totally a teenager, but on Monday he was my hero! And even after almost 4 years, I keep looking over my shoulder to share my joy with Jim. But he wasn't there! When will I learn...

Then Wednesday morning, I spent over an hour with a friend who is dying of cancer. She is a beautiful, vibrant lady who has only days to live. While visiting her, she told me of another mutual friend who died last year - I felt a stab to my heart. I couldn't get my head around his death. I'm still grappling with it a bit. Death for a believer is a pathway to eternity and a joyous occasion, but it still shakes me to my core.

But it does help keep my eyes wide open. I want it to mean something to me today. I want to live without regrets, with great passion and with an intense focus on eternity. And I want to grab every precious moment as if it was my last.