A Revival is a Comin'

I’m feeling a revival coming on. I can’t wait. Several weeks ago, God began to lay some things on my heart. He wanted to draw me closer…deeper. I began to think about all my heroes of the faith and all the marvelous time they spent daily in total devotion to their Lord. I wanted that. I wanted a revival of my soul and I could hear Him calling. So on Saturday, I decided to read the Bible in 30 days. That’s 3-4 hours a day with God!

All last week, I prayed daily that my heart would be prepared to move into these next 30 days with eager anticipation to receive all that He had in mind. By Friday night, I was beside myself with joy. I kissed my Bible, laid my head on my pillow and was gone.

I’m 3 days in and loving every minute of my time in His Word…already getting filled with His teaching and wisdom. Ah, it is very, very good. Reading so much in such a short span gives such wonderful insight that it’s almost hard to put His wonderful Book down. Yesterday, I read 9 chapters into today.

And I needed this time with Him. I was not having such a good day yesterday. Derek knew I was acting funny and not quite myself, so he asked what was wrong. I just looked at him with sadness in my eyes and he said, “Are you having a daddy day?” I said that I was. He then said, “Well, why don’t you just go in your room and open up the Bible?” I smiled and thought he was exactly right. And he knows his mother too well. He knows what I need.

As I struggled though my pain yesterday, God revealed to me this morning that that is exactly why I need a revival. I need to stop struggling and allow Him complete control. My faith must be complete. That means that the certainty of His presence in my life gives me a peace that moves me through rough spots in complete reliance on Him. I do rely on Him, but sometimes I forecast and speculate in the midst of my pain, thus adding to it. This additional pain gives way to fear and fear assumes God is not all I need. I’ve run this circle before…I hope to jump off very soon.

I think it’ll take a revival…stay tuned!

I Ain't Tired...No Ways

I love to laugh with my boys and just goof off. But I'm particularly blessed when I get to serve with my them. Saturday, Derek and I ran an 8K to raise money for orphans. We drove down together, talked, made jokes, stopped at Starbucks and had a ball before the race began. You could either walk or run. I decided I'd run with Derek.

Well, within the first 50 yards, he smoked me. I had no hope of keeping up with him, so I set my own pace. I began to pray for orphans all over the world and scriptures began to run through my mind. I asked God to "make my feet like the feet of a deer" and to help me "run and not grow weary." I knew "those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength." At the half way point, I was determined to run the whole thing, but my thighs began to get really tight and shin splints started to set in. So I prayed harder. At the 3 mile mark, my pain was completely gone. God is such a physical God. He took away my pain and gave me feet like deer.

I was feeling it and loving my time with Jesus. In between praying God's Word back to Him, I sang one of my favorite old spirituals - "I don't feel noways tired." The chorus goes like this...

I don't feel no ways tired,
I've come too far from where I started from.
Nobody told me that the road would be easy,
I don't believe He brought me this far to leave me.

When I crossed the finish line, I felt like I was floating. Derek was waiting for me and said how impressed he was with me running the whole race. Honestly, I was a bit proud of myself, but I knew where my strength came from. Oh, I love my Jesus!!

God blessings poured forth...

1. A beautiful, cool morning to run
2. A wonderful, connective time with my firstborn
3. Strength to finish that was not my own
4. A blessed and glorious 50 minutes with Jesus...

I was running for Him!

God, Germany, and Great Times

This time last week, I was hanging out in my mother's hometown in Germany enjoying a wonderful day. I spent a week there with my parents visiting my grandma. She will be 98 in August. It was such a blessed time. Germany is such a beautiful country and my grandmother lives right on the Mosel river...it's breathtaking.

I laughed so much and had such a great time that it was hard to come home. I always miss my boys greatly, but was so torn when I left. I knew it highly likely that would be the last time to see my grandmother, but after a week I begin to miss the boys terribly. So I hugged and kissed and hugged and kissed and then said goodbye.

As I was flying over I began to journal a bit. I was talking to God and asked Him to reveal Himself to me on this trip. I wanted to feel His presence in a very real way. I did. He always has something to teach me and I am delighted to be His student.

I had the pleasure of reading three books during my 20 hours in the air, time in the airport and a few quiet moments to myself in Germany. Each of these books spoke to me in very real and meaningful ways.

The first was called And The Word Came With Power about a lady who translated the Bible to a tribe in the jungles in the Philippines. I was reminded that in 1982 when she was obeying God and bringing His powerful Word to the those who were lost, I was completely centered on myself as I graduated from high school and hoped to take on the world. I was a Christian, but was seeking my will, not His. God said to me as I finished the book, "Eternal things are all that matter."

The second was a bio on Dietrich Bonhoeffer a German martyr who tried to overthrow the power of Hitler by assassination and a coup. He lived completely focused on God's will for his life. I was able to talk to my grandmother about him and she said she remembers him and that she didn't think enough people stood up with him. It was so cool to be talking to my grandmother about a hero of mine who died 20 years before I was born. As I spent time in an area that is not known for its faith, I was reminded of how important it is for me to stand firm and stand strong for my Jesus regardless of what is going on around me.

The third was a bio on Amy Carmichael. She was an incredible missionary who spent 56 years in India saving young girls from the horrible caste system that placed no value on them and sold them into horrible conditions. She impacted the lives of thousands and had and incredible faith that only comes with a complete devotion to the King. Her life was purposeful and impactful, but often very, very hard. I heard God whispering to me as I meditated on her life..."Stay focus on my purpose..."

I'm grateful for my time in Germany, but I'm grateful most of all that God stays close to me and teaches me in every situation. My prayer this week to come is that I live out what I learned.

An Invasion of Intimacy

Two weeks ago I had an incredibly intimate and profound encounter with Jesus Christ. It was unexpected and took time to truly get my heart around it. And for the past couple of weeks, He continued to reveal Himself to me. As I reflect on our time together, I continue to be amazed...words cannot describe what He has become to me. I have just this week watched Him physically heal me, instantly take away emotional pain, intercede in a relationship, move in the lives of those I do life with and show up time and time again.

It continues to confound me how very personal God is. He invades my life with His love and compassion and grace in ways that simply stun me. I am His child and if I ever lose sight of that, I will surely be lost.

I depend completely on Him. I depend on Him for my every breath and for my next step. And I'm thankful He is there every minute of every day for me. He completes me!

I look forward to flying over the Atlantic on Monday as I head to Germany to visit with my grandmother. I look forward to worshipping this same God in Europe and I pray He will reveal another part of His character to me as I stand on another continent. I love loving Him!!

Living Among the Poor

I read a lot. Yeah, we all know that. When I finish a book, I want to feel inspired to live a life more fully surrendered. That is almost solely why I read. I also love to learn. However, I don’t read to escape…I love my life and don’t feel a need to go somewhere else. So when I finish a book and I’m left with questions to ponder and felt an obvious encounter with God during the book, I consider it worth every minute I spent in it.

I just finished one such book titled The Prison Angel.

Mother Antonia left a wealthy lifestyle in Beverly Hills to live in La Mesa penitentiary in Tijuana, Mexico. She was twice divorced and had seven children. All her life she felt a pull to help the poor always feeling unsettled throughout both marriages, running the family business after the death of her father and raising all her children. Finally, when she had one child left in the house, she began to make her permanent move to Mexico even adjusting the life of her son to accommodate. She had to answer the call.

The book inspired me on so many levels. Mother Antonia was not blessed by the Catholic Church initially, but that didn’t stop her from sewing her own habit and going to serve God. She lived in a 10x10 cell and took cold showers just like the inmates. She truly lived among them and changed countless lives. They grew to love her and affectionately called her Madre.

One of her expressions was that in everything you do, you either add to the beauty of the world or take away from it. She is so right. I meditated on that this week. I have to make choices and each choice leads me to Him or away from Him. All true beauty comes from Him, so the closer I am to God, the more His beauty can shine through me.

So I began to reflect on several questions:

1. If my church did not support my call, would I still go?
2. Would I put my precious Jesus above even that of my boys? Would I adjust my life and theirs so I could take a step in obedience regardless of the sacrifice?
3. Could I truly live among the poor? How attached am I to my material stuff?
4. Am I adding to the beauty of the world?

I am duly inspired! And duly challenged!

Experiencing God

I'm working through a Bible study called Experiencing God for the second time. It's the most powerful study I've ever done. Very insightful and deeply moving concepts about how to experience God in a way I've never known. It's rich in Scripture to support the tenets.

The particular spiritual reality that I've meditated on and put into action recently is the idea that an encounter with God is not to be taken lightly. Of course, most would agree, but that's often what I do. He speaks to me through His Word and I am touched, but don't meditate on what He is trying to reveal to me until it comes to pass. This is key.

Three weeks ago, God laid it on my heart to really live out the fruits of the Spirit. So I thought of my Bible study and decided, I needed to focus on each fruit over the next nine weeks. I'm in week four. It's been very refreshing to focus so intently on just one single verse. The rewards have been wonderful.

Last week, He brought me to Zephaniah 3:17 twice in one day. "The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." So I read this each morning, read it in several translations and posted on my desk at work. I wanted to pray over it day after day until God revealed Himself to me through this verse. He did.

But it's not always that easy. A while back He asked me to make an adjustment, so He could be more fully revealed in my life. I acknowledged it and agreed, but did not act. The step is very, very hard. Yesterday, He revealed it once again. It's going to be very difficult for me, but I know it's necessary so I'm determined by His grace and strength to do it. But obedience is not always easy and I just learned that it most often has consequences to those around me. This particular act of obedience will be recognized by those around me.

I'm praying this week will be a turning point. A week where I act and then begin to see all the abundance that He has in store for me. The author of the Bible study says over and over again that I cannot fully experience God and stay where I am. I must respond by adjusting and then obeying. Only then will I see Him the way He wants. I'm anxious to get there.

The Shirt

I don't hold on to many things. The boys will be the first to say that I'm far from a pack rat. As a matter of fact, I have been known all my life to throw out stuff and then need it shortly after I toss it. I can't stand clutter. I don't like holding on to things that have no value to me. And I don't like to put much value in silly things.

The day before Jim died, we were touring Washington, D.C. on a muggy, sweaty July afternoon. The shirt he was wearing that day has been rolled and stored in his nightstand on the left side of my bed. Quite often over the last 4 years, I would respray the shirt with Jim's cologne and the boys and I would breathe in the scent of the shirt and it was like holding Jim. It smelled just like him and took us back--just for a moment.

I'm over 4 1/2 years into my grief and the shirt was still unwashed and sitting in the nightstand drawer. There was no real reason for it. The time between spraying and breathing in became greater and greater. But still...I left the shirt there...can't exactly explain it. I would have thought by now...surely by now...I would have tossed it in the wash and gotten on with things. I guess I wasn't ready.

For most of my grieving process, I've looked directly to the Lord for His leading. I didn't always get it right, but even when I took the scenic route, He helped me find my way back and moved me to a new level with Him. He did that once again yesterday morning.

I awakened and decided to spend a lengthy time with my Lord. I began to read through some of the Psalms, prayed, read 2 Timothy, prayed, and then began through portions of Romans. I found myself in Romans 7 and verse 2 spoke to me. "For example, by law a married woman is bound to her husband as long as he is alive, but if her husband dies, she is released from the law of marriage." My eyes fixed solely on 3 words..."she is released." I felt God's Spirit telling me that He is releasing me from any bondage I feel. He is freeing me from my grief and from any thing that I'm holding on to. I could just feel God speaking..."Be free. I want to give you freedom you've never known." As I sat there, smiled and basked in the joy and peace that can only come from Him, I heard Him say, "Wash the shirt." I got up and took the shirt to the laundry room. A short time later, it was in the wash with a normal load of darks. It was a tangible step I needed to take in response to the gift God wanted to give to me.

I talked to the boys individually after I washed the shirt. Derek was indifferent. He said, "I thought you already did." Zach had a different reaction, "Why did you do that? It smelled so good." But I had to and I explained that to him. His birthday is coming up, so I plan to get him some of his daddy's cologne for his special day. I want him to be able to smell like his daddy whenever he wants.

I feel a release. I feel a freedom. I feel a peace. A great calm only can be realized after a great storm. On Thursday night, I had a completely ruthless night of anguish and pain as several things collided. I now know that God brought that as a prelude to what He wanted to show me yesterday morning. I'm glad I had 2 hours to spend with Him. It was such a precious time.

Escaping with God

I am continually amazed at how God works and the incredible Husband He is to me. I have clung to Isaiah 54:5 quite often. God is Who He says He is. "For your Maker is your husband--the Lord almighty is his name..."

Three months ago, I sold my Jeep to Derek and bought a Ford Escape. I was thrilled with my new (well...new to me) car. I loved the way it handled and enjoyed everything about it. But within a few weeks after buying it, something inside me began to stir. I was getting the feeling that I wasn't supposed to have this Escape. I kept trying to ignore was was gnawing at me, but couldn't shake it. Then there were little things about the car that began to bug me. I was feeling very unsettled.

This past Tuesday, I took it to a Ford dealership to have something minor looked at and they said the entire steering column had been replaced. It wasn't in an accident and there was no recall, so it had to have been vandalism or something else. The carfax report was clean. So I left the dealership and went to the one where I bought it. They agreed, with my insistence, to give me another car at the same value, but I couldn't find anything on their lot to suit me. When I drove off, it was clear I was not going to get my car from them. The salesman was making me very uncomfortable with his weird remarks. So I left and prayed the rest of the week.

Yesterday, I knew I was to go back to the Ford dealership and get another car, so I did. I pulled in and looked around as an older salesman approached me. We talked and I immediately connected with this brother in Christ. I immediately found another Escape that I loved. We drove it and I knew this was the car I was to have. As we sat at the table negotiating price, I told him I could not buy it until I prayed about it one more time. Without hesitation, he offered to pray with me. We sat in the middle of a busy dealership and prayed about my decision. I was so touched. I bought the car and we talked all afternoon as we waited for paperwork to be done. I handed him one of my books and he gave me a hug as I left. I don't know why my path crossed with this wonderful man, but I know my Saturday and my new car purchase was ordained by God.

As I was driving home, I was so filled up that I was about to explode. I was breathing Jesus. It felt like God was sitting next to me in my new Escape. He guides me, protects me, gives me wisdom and brings wonderful people in my life. He is also a God who lives in my reality and speaks to me in very practical ways. I am so grateful and so humbled.

It's God Above All

Shortly after Jim died, I made a very tough decision that has totally changed the way I approach dealing with trouble that comes my way. And we are assured in this life, we will have trouble. When I was consumed with my grief very early on, I realized that I must put my relationship with Jesus above everything, even that of my grieving boys. That was very, very hard. However, as I stayed focused on Him, He began to do a good work inside and revealed things to me that paved a wonderful healing path for all three of us.

Sometimes I’m just dealing with a minor skirmish with one of my teenage boys, but sometimes the problem is deeper and presents a greater challenge to work through. I had one such problem over the past few weeks. As soon as the issue smacked me in the face, I immediately set aside the people and problem involved and focused completely on what God wanted to teach me. This gave me peace almost immediately. I made the issue about my relationship with Him and nothing else. Slowly I worked through the problem, but it was through the lens of my relationship with Jesus and not anyone or anything else. When I did this, clarity and change came through scripture that was revealed and a heart-change on my part. It was not easy to process this most difficult situation, but it was way easier than if I would have cluttered it with flawed personalities, recrimination, self-doubt and all the things that the devil would have me think were valid approaches.

I can’t begin to describe the work that God did as a result of this approach. He took what could have been a devastating circumstance and brought great freedom to me. He moved. He taught. He conquered. And it all started with putting Him completely in the center without distraction. I now feel joy in a different way and peace that didn’t exist when the trouble came my way.

I praise Him. I praise Him. I praise Him. For He alone is worthy!!

His Will, Not Mine

This past week has been a bit challenging for me. God is on the move in my life and sometimes it’s painful. I continue to watch Him work out His plans before me since returning from Haiti. He is allowing me to be involved in His work and I’m excited about all that I see ahead of me. But sometimes as God prepares me for assignments, He must develop my character. That hurts.

I believe in God’s perfect timing and I recently learned in a Bible study that when He speaks with me, when I encounter God Almighty, it is a very serious matter. I must follow through until His word comes to pass. I have not always been so good at that. I hear God speak, but I don’t spend weeks and months if necessary meditating on it until God does the work surrounding that encounter that He intended. I move on. I move on too quickly before He really has a chance to do what He originally intended.

So I’ve been camping on the concept of really praying and reflecting on what He reveals to me. I’m determined to allow Him to follow through by abiding in Him regardless of how long it takes. In one passage of the Bible study I’m doing, it talked about really discerning God’s voice. The process is all about my relationship with Christ, but it starts with getting my heart into such a state that it no longer has a will of its own. Wow! That is where I stopped this week.

I have been praying and praying over that very specific idea. I desire greatly to be so focused on Jesus that what I want no longer even comes into play. I’m not there. I do know that the power of the Creator resides in me. That power can transform my most broken parts and bring me to a place of complete surrender. John 14:26 reminds me that “The counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.” So I can bank on that. I can hold on to the Truth of God’s Word that says He will teach me all things.

I’m still seeking, still praying, and still being still. I’m confident on the other side of His good work; I’ll look a little more like Him and a little less like me.