Jesus Freak

I recently finished the book Shadow of the Almighty. It was a biography about Jim Elliot written by his wife Elizabeth. The bulk of the book was a reflection of Jim through his letters and journals. It was truly one of the most profound books I’ve ever read. And I read a lot. I am wholly convinced of God’s ordination in even the most ordinary parts of my life. So when He brings a book to me that affects me so deeply, I know there must be a lesson there for me.

Jim was the ultimate Jesus freak! I aspire to have his kind of faith. His life was a testament of living completely and passionately sold out to Christ, so that nothing distracted him from his purpose or competed with his energies to fulfill what God had in mind for him. Jim felt very called to go to Ecuador and bring the gospel message to the Auca Indians…they were a very savage and primitive tribe. Jim died a martyr’s death on the river bank at the hands of the very people that he cared for so deeply.

Oftentimes, as I read Jim’s reflections on how God was moving in his life and the struggles that he faced, I would find myself actually groaning out loud in delight due to the depth of his words. He lived a life of complete obedience and said, “Obedience is the test of whether we really live “in God” or not.” He wanted to keep his heart fixed on Jesus and said that we must, “Walk as if the next step would carry you across the threshold of heaven.”

He realized more fully than anything else that he was nothing without Christ and his life was not his to live. One night as he stood under the beautiful sky, he looked up and said, “Oh, the fullness, pleasure, sheer excitement of knowing God on earth. I care not if I ever raise my voice again for Him, if only I may love Him, please Him.” And one morning at a later date he wrote, “So father with happy committal I give you my life again this morning—not for anything special, simply to let you know that I regard it as yours.”

Jim’s life inspired me in a way that will be with me forever. I long to live with the faith that allows unbridled devotion to my Savior and with an energy that can’t be depleted by earthly woes. I hope to find my delight completely and fully in Christ. As Jim said, “It does not say (in the Bible) He will give you what you want. It does say He will give you "the want." Delight in Christ brings desire for Christ.”

God's Soldier

Derek is back home! He spent all summer at Ft. Benning, GA in Basic training. On Friday, he graduated as an Infantryman. I am so very proud of him. I'm proud that he felt called by God to serve his country when there is almost no military background on my side or Jim's side of the family. I'm proud because he never quit, never wanted to give up and never stopped doing his best while he was down there. He is truly my hero!

But most of all I'm proud because he loves Jesus! While he was at Basic, he found time to read over 12 books of the Bible. When no one was around to push him to stay in God's Word, he still did. When his days were long and tiring, he still found time to read. When he was homesick, he still read. When he was pumped and building relationships, he read some more. He posted the scripture cards I sent to him on the inside of his locker and stayed focused on his faith. He gets it.

As I released my son for the summer and turned him over to God, God showed up. He proved over and over that He can take better care of my son than I can and He can sustain and encourage him when I'm not around. My heart is full. I'm so thankful for God's faithfulness and that Derek's foundation is solid. I delight in God's Word and want the same for my boys. It seems my prayer has been answered.

Both my boys are home and we are enjoying the same fun things we always did...picking on each other, goofing off and just hanging out. I am thrilled to be reunited as a family again and know that God will continue to be the center of our lives. He is our Father and Husband and guides all that we do. I remain confident in His plan for us individually and as a family unit.

May God bless our family; and God bless America!

The Language of Love

Last weekend, Zach and I had a great time at a family camp in Springhill with dear friends. It is three days filled with swimming, zip lining, biking and worshipping. It’s fabulous! During one of the worship sessions, we talked about the five languages of love: Physical touch, Words of affirmation, Gifts, Acts of service, and Quality time. We were to gather as a family and reveal which of these languages we most used to express our love and therefore how we like to have others show us love. I express love mostly in words of affirmation and service, but like to receive expressions of love in words of affirmation and quality time. Zach’s was clearly gifts.

So this week I decided to show him some love. When I picked him up from school on Tuesday, I had a little bag with three of his favorite candies inside. On the outside, I wrote “I want to show my baby some love in the language he understands. I love you, mom!” He smiled really big as he opened the bag, “This is great, mom.” The next day I put his favorite beverage in the same little bag. He opened it and groaned in pleasure as he took a long sip. “I’m so glad we went to Springhill.” He said in a deep throaty voice. He was so pleased. On day 3, I had another one of his favorite drinks. At that point, he couldn’t even voice his joy. He panted and whispered in an almost inaudible voice as he reached for the bag. “I adore you, mom.” On Friday, I had a movie waiting for him that we had just talked about. He was delighted!

I spent almost $15 on gifts for my baby this week, but his reactions and joy was truly priceless. It was so much fun. I wanted him to know that I listened to him and understood what makes him tick. Christmas is by far his favorite time of year. He begins talking about the gifts he wants in September. But he also begins thinking early about what gifts he’s gonna give as well. I’ll have to work on him a bit, though, on giving me love in my language. On one of the days, after he was obviously elated, I just looked at him and said, “So…???” He looked at me and said, “I guess you want some words of affirmation?” I paused and waited. He, then, said without missing a beat, “I’ll let your friends do that.”

Grave Sites, New Daddies & Adoption...

Zach and I have really good, deep conversations sometimes. And those are great! But often I find out his thoughts in random ways. He makes a comment that seems a little silly at the time, but reflects what’s on his mind. He tells me I’m the queen of random, since I will often just say something that is totally off track from the conversation at hand—I must accept the moniker he has bestowed on me since it’s so true. We are far too much alike.

This morning on our way to school, Zach asked where he’ll be buried when he dies. So we discussed that my spot has already been paid for. I’ll be cremated and in the same plot as daddy. I told him I’d love to have him and Derek near us, but that was their decision. However, at the end of the day it didn’t really matter where we were buried on earth, because we’d all end up together in heaven. That seemed to satisfy him.

Then the conversation went on about the potential of a future husband for me. He continued to emphatically state his opposition to this as quite frankly not even an option up for discussion. I told him that I was not seeking, but if God put someone in the path of our family than I could guarantee he would be happy with God’s plan. He wasn’t picking up what I was laying down, but acquiesced for the moment…that was progress in and of itself.

The conversation took one more turn and he began to talk about adoption. I told him I did not feel a calling in this area. He said he thought it would really be cool to have a black brother or two right around his age. He wanted to know all about the process. Do we get to pick their age? How do the adoption agencies match them to us? And on and on he went. He wanted to know if I’d send them to Covenant or Danville schools and began to talk as if it were in the works. Then he ended the conversation as we approached his school saying, “Wow, we could really surprise Derek when he gets home.”

I smiled as he closed the car door with his backpack strapped on. It was great conversation with my precious 15-year old that I could have missed if I dismissed his initial comment as just too random for my attention. I read a book a while back that addressed this very thing—taking all these seemingly sporadic moments as golden opportunities with your child. God moves in their minds and hearts differently than He moves in ours…I don’t want to ever miss what’s He’s doing in their lives.

But I did miss one a while back. We got back from a mission trip in late July and had the joy of getting to know a family of 7 that went on the trip with us. On the way home, Zach said, “You know mom, all our friends have big families. We don’t. We don’t even seem like a family, but just two people living together.” I smile when I now repeat it and it’s become a bit of a tag line, but there may have been something deeper there that I missed altogether. I’ll get back to you on that one…I need to pick that back up with Zach at a later date.