Seeking Him...4 Years and Counting

Four years ago today, I became a widow. There are days when it seems like just yesterday, but mostly it feels like a million years ago. I've moved! Not physically, but emotionally and spiritually to a place of security and peace. That is completely and wholly a result of waking up every single day with an intention to seek Jesus.

People often ask me if I'm staying in Danville long-term or whether I'll move when Zach graduates (in 3 years). I don't have an answer. My journey has been extraordinary, thus far. God has exploded in my life in incredible ways and it is because of my intention to stay fixed on Him and His plan that I don't ponder the future too much. I find the small daily acts of obedience begins to lay a plan for the week and the month and then before I know it, I'm standing somewhere I never expected.

A few months after Jim died, there was no doubt in my mind I would leave Danville by the following summer. But four years later I'm still here. Last year, I ended up on the continent of Africa for 18 days and I just came back from Mexico. But most of all God has led me straight to Him...to His promises...to His presence...to His loving arms. It moves me!

I still have days where the grief is gut-wrenching and I long for Jim's embrace and the wonderful way he made me feel. But I look up and know that God is all-consuming. He will fill me up when no one else can. He will remain faithful when I'm disappointed elsewhere. And time and time again, He has shown His mighty power as He's moved in my life.

I have one single goal and that is God, Himself. All else will be added unto me.

Biking On Holy Ground--Mexico Part 6

Our final day before leaving for the states was a fitting conclusion to a great experience. We arrived late in the morning to one of the children’s homes and loaded up 30+ kids on a bus with us to go to the park. We are each assigned two kids—I had the delight of hanging out with Kevin and Jonathon.

When we got to the park, we rented bikes for all the kids. The look on their faces as they were each handed a bike was so priceless. They were ecstatic and eager to get on with the fun. But we they had to all line up and wait until everyone had their bikes. We all positioned ourselves in a sea of bikes waiting to take off. The signal was given and my boys were gone.

It took me several laps around the park to connect with them. I would ride with one for a bit and then catch up with the other and ride with him. It was great fun as we rode through sprinklers, over bridges and up little embankments to shortcut a trip back to the shelter where we gathered. I quickly realized there is no language barrier when you’re riding bikes. The boys spoke no English and I spoke only a smattering of Spanish, but we had a ball and were able to “talk” to each other the entire time.

After a few hours, we turned our bikes in and had lunch together. What a treat! The tacos were delicious and the kids were delighted to be able to finish and go back for seconds. We handed out many tacos, fruit drinks and snacks. I walked around after eating and just hung out with many of the kids taking pictures and playing. Many, including my Kevin, loved sitting by the lake watching the ducks. The joy on their faces and contentment in their eyes made me want to keep that day going forever.

But eventually, we had to bid farewell. They got on one bus and we got on the other. Several were crying and many just waved and waved until we got out of sight. It was very sad.

On the bus ride home, I was just reflecting on the whole week and wishing I didn’t have to hop on a plane the next morning. I wanted to stay. There were times I felt as if I were on holy ground with those kids. I was sure God had blessed them in ways I have never felt or could put into words. He was doing a good work in them. My heart was full.

I totally immersed myself in my experience down there. I did not make phone calls or check e-mails. I had no idea what was going on around the world and didn’t really care. As our bus approached the Back2Back campus, someone from the front of the bus yelled, “Oh, my gosh. My friend just texted me. Michael Jackson died.” The only thought that went through my head as the buzz on the buss began was how totally irrelevant that was to me.

May God continue to bless those children who I had the honor of meeting. He promises many things for orphans…

Exodus 22:22-23
Deut 10:18
Deut 14:29
Psalm 10:14,18
Psalm 68:5
Psalm 82:3-4
Psalm 140:12
Isaiah 37:17
Isaiah 49:15
Isaiah 63:9
Jeremiah 49:11
Hosea 14:3
John 14:18
John 10:3
Romans 9:15

I know He never goes back on His Word and that gives me great comfort.

A Servant By The River--Mexico Part 5

Wednesday was the most powerful day of the entire week for me. We travelled to visit a squatter’s village called Meme’s Rio. Rio is Spanish for river. When the poorest of the poor have nowhere else to go, they build their homes along the river since this is government property and considered useless land. The government rarely kicks them off; thus they have a place to call home.

This particular village is built along side a trash dump. That is the means of support for many who live there. They scrounge through the trash to find stuff to resale or recycle to make a buck or two a day. It is a painfully poor village with little hope.

We had the honor of having lunch with the residents, handing out clothes to the ladies and toys to the kids. But the highlight of the day for me was the prayer walk. We were led by Cathy, one of the staff members. She has a real heart for the village. As we walked along, we prayed generally for protection for the kids and for the hope of Jesus to take hold. We also thanked God that due to the drought the grass was low, so it was a deterrent for people to hide in the tall grass and molest the children when they got home from school.

We also had the joy of praying specifically for several residents who came out of their homes. We prayed for jobs, for a deaf girl’s perseverance, a young girl’s foot that was sliced from the bottom to the top by glass in the river, and that demons would leave the home of a lady who has battled so much. We also prayed for a prostitute and her 2 young kids who we did not see. She works during the night and keeps the kids locked inside the home during the day while she sleeps.

I was deeply moved and profoundly impacted by the stark contrast in my daily prayers versus those we prayed on that Wednesday. I pray that my youngest son’s flight arrives safely in Phoenix, that God watches over my oldest in boot camp, and that He blesses relationships in my life. All of these prayers are valid, but I went to my knees humbly before God asking that He change me from the inside out, so I never forget the blessed life I live as opposed to the deep poverty of so many around this world.

I’m so very thankful for people like Meme who I met while there. She lives in Rio as her calling in life to care for these people. She could live in much better conditions, but chooses to live among the poor and serve them. She is a great servant of God and it was my great privilege to spend time with her.

Jesus, Our Only Hope--Mexico Part 4

We spent Monday and Tuesday at an orphanage very close to the Back2Back campus. We walked there each day. It was at this home where we worked on several projects including painting steps to their chapel, scrubbing chairs and tables, installing a fence and new clothes line. As I worked and sweated, I felt so honored to be able to help in some small way to give these kids a better life.

We worked hard and played hard. On Monday, we had a birthday party for a bunch of the kids and handed out presents. They were loving life. Watching them smile and then get slightly embarrassed when they had to open their gift in front of everyone was so charming. They were precious beyond belief.

But I was most impacted by the story from one of the staff members. He said that this home used to be great spiritually, but their chapel was falling a part, so there was no worship time. It was affecting the whole home. So recently Back2Back came in and repaired the roof and put in new windows. We got to put the finishing touch on by scraping and painting the stairs that lead up the hill to the church. Since the renovation, it has become a place of great pride and a spiritual revival appears to be on the move. But the staff member asked that we continue to pray for this home.

Later that day before we left, I ascended the hill to the chapel and just sat there taking in the beautiful scenery and praying for these kids. As we had our small group time later that night, I still couldn’t get it out of my mind. As I began to reflect on that prayer time on the hill as the highlight of my day, I couldn’t help but cry. I had to hold back what I thought was going to be a flood of tears. All I could think was that these precious children and their smiles and all that we are doing for them would mean nothing without the hope of Jesus. And I wanted that for them more than anything else.

So I continue to pray that they come to know Jesus and place all their future hope and joy in Him. Our theme in our daily devotions was “shelter.” And Psalm 91:1-2 became my prayer for them…”He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust.”

Welcome Party--Mexico Part 3

We were welcomed Saturday upon our arrival by having the pleasure of dining and playing in the pool with the kids from one of the homes. It was a blast. We were challenged to step outside our comfort zones, get involved and just love on the kids. That was easy!

The pool on the Back2Back campus was so packed with kids that you could hardly turn around without bumping into 2 or 3 of them. I played with many, but spent extra time with a few in particular. On the surface they seem like perfectly normal kids just wanting to have fun and goof off, but each of these kids has a story. They were all abandoned by their parents and now call an orphanage home. They have attached to the other kids as sisters and brothers. It was an honor to splash around with them, hug them and just pour myself into them for one afternoon.

At one point, I got out of the pool and just sat in a chair to take in the beautiful scene in front of me—laughter, smiles, fun, splashing…I see all that the Back2Back ministry is doing on behalf of these kids and I know that with the hope of Jesus, warm food in their belly and love from many that they have a much better chance for a full life.

The next day we were all challenged to make a difference by figuring out what the “burr in our saddle” was. We all have a passion for something in life…something that just won’t let go, but we ignore it long enough until it calluses over and we become numb to it. Then that burr no longer causes us to move in ways outside ourselves. It no longer forces us to follow that longing. We get comfortable; we become content; we settle.

I’ve had a burr in my saddle for quite a while. I want it to keep making me uncomfortable, so I must depend on Jesus every day to move me in unexpected ways. I want my life to be motivated by the burr; motivated by the passion that God has given me. I want to make a difference in the lives of others…to give hope to those without any! May I pray that prayer every day.

A Thanksgiving Fast--Mexico Part 2

Fasting is a wonderful spiritual discipline that I often do on behalf of my children or when I need clarity regarding an issue. When I arrived in town on Friday night, I realized I wasn't hungry and didn't even have a desire for a snack. After waking up Saturday morning, I still wasn't hungry. I couldn't eat for over 24 hours after coming home.

I realized I was in a reverse fast. Usually, I fast so I can be filled with Jesus and gain greater insight or understanding. This time I was already so filled that nothing else satisfied. I didn't want physical food. I felt as though I had stood in the presence of Jesus for a week and was fully saturated in Him.

As I meditated on my trip and went into the late afternoon hours of Saturday, I finally began to feel hunger pains. I was almost disappointed that I wanted physical food. I wanted to stay full of Jesus.

During this time, I was reminded of the verse that God brought to me earlier in the week. I had camped on 2 Corinthians 9:12 "This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God's people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God." I was so thankful that God allowed me to be a tiny part of His work and that whether I'm on a mission trip, eating lunch or driving to work, everything I do should be an expression of thanksgiving to my Lord.

My cup overfloweth and it must have been evident. Someone approached me last evening to let me know they thought I was just glowing on Sunday morning. I did feel radiant. That's what spending a week with Jesus will do. I yearn to live that way today and tomorrow. I want seek Him with all my heart.

The Travelling Word--Mexico Part 1

I just spent a week in Monterrey, Mexico serving orphans and those who have not much of anything to call their own. I immersed my heart, my soul and my mind in the experience that God called me to. I spent 4 days at 3 different orphanages and 1 day at a squatter's village where the poorest of the poor have nothing, so they scrounge through a trash dump that serves as the center of their neighborhood. God began to speak to me and move me in ways I've never experienced. Over the next few weeks, I'll share my experience, not in narrative, but in stories. Every day was packed and I saw Jesus everywhere I looked.

I'll start with the end. The day before I left for Mexico I wrote about deciding whether to bring my big, bulky Bible with me. I felt compelled and was so glad I had it along. It was open and speaking to me each morning during my quiet time and held me captive in the evenings when I was drawn to certain verses. But it wasn't until I was leaving Monterrey airport yesterday that knew the true purpose of why I needed to have it by my side.

After packing my suitcase, I laid my Bible right on top of all my dirty clothes and closed it. I knew my suitcase weighed in at close to 50 lbs. and if it goes over that weight the airline charges a large additional fee. So I wanted to be able to get right to my Bible if I needed to pull some weight and put it in my backpack. Before checking in, my suitcase needed to be inspected. The guy unzipped my bag and there lay my Bible right on top. He looked at it and then searched around the sides of my bag and then looked back at the Bible. I could tell he was really drawn to it. He picked it up and then gently laid it back down. My Bible cover has Jeremiah 29:11 on the front..."For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." The guy moved his finger under the word "Lord," paused and then ran his finger under the words "plans to prosper you." He looked up at me and said, "Is this for me?" I replied, "Yes, God has a plan for all of us." He just smiled and rezipped my suitcase.

I don't know what was going on in that man's life or why he was so captivated by my Bible and the verse on front, but God does and yesterday morning God spoke to that man in Mexico through a very well loved Bible that calls Danville, IN home.

Abandonment and Packing The Word

My devotion last night focused on truly recognizing Jesus--His appearance and voice in your life. I am captivated by this idea of being so fully sold out that I don't ever hesitate when He speaks. But I'm not there yet.

The author said, "We step right out with recognition of God in some things, then self-consideration enters our lives and down we go...If you debate for even one second when God has spoken, it is all over for you...It is only through abandonment of yourself and your circumstances that you will recognize Him." I want to experience that as a natural part of my life. That is my goal. I pray that as I serve Him in Mexico I will move one step closer.

On another note, I have debated all week whether to take my Bible I read from daily to Mexico. It is big and bulky. It weighs in at almost 4 lbs. So instead I packed a thin NT in my backpack and a more compact complete Bible in my suitcase. They both travel easier. But I couldn't get it out of my mind that I wanted my regular Bible with me...it kept bugging me. Finally, today, I thought, "Why am I bothered about the extra weight? It's God's Word and it's my most treasured possession." I want it with me. Period. So I it packed in my suitcase. I feel so much better knowing it will be by my side all week.

Heart Prep

I’ve spent a lot of time lately preparing my heart. It is a process that I’ve often overlooked in my Walk. When I’m confident in God’s leading, I have a tendency to just plow ahead…jumping into whatever He has in mind with both feet. Easing into the pool little by little has never been my style. But I’m learning.

Two weeks ago, I dropped Derek off for Basic training. He was headed to Ft. Benning, GA. He would be gone for 4-5 months. That thought sent me into a tailspin. He is so precious to me and we have such a close relationship that I was trying to figure out how to adjust. I needed to be prepped for not only for the day of his departure, but his absence all summer.

And this Saturday, I head to Monterrey, Mexico to work with orphans for a week. I had given a book to a dear friend for Christmas. After reading it, she gave it back to me to read and be inspired. I was blown away by the author’s story of obedience and all the God was doing as a result of the orphan ministry she started. I knew without a doubt, God was calling me to go and be a part of this. But, again, I needed to be quiet before my Lord so He could speak to me and prepare me for this journey.

So He’s been preparing me to walk down the paths He has laid before me. I was drawn to Jeremiah 18:4 "But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him." No matter the road I’m called to take, I must be molded and shaped to become more like Him. It is through this process I can be a most effective instrument.

I have spent much time reflecting on all that God has taught me in the past, all the grace and mercy that He has shown me and the joy that comes as a result of loving Him each day. Yes, I will continue to prepare myself for the mission He has for me in this life. At the moment, my heart is full. I have a peace that this world can never give, nor take away.

I know my heart is full when I’m smiling so big on the inside that I can’t control myself. I spent 3 days last week with friends camping at Holiday World enjoying the rides and good conversations. I was thinking how goofy I must have looked to everyone, because I was constantly dancing. I danced at the park, at breakfast and at the gas station late at night. I couldn’t help myself. I was dancing with joy from the blessings that my Lord has poured down on little ol’ me.

Peace

On a regular basis, I experience God’s peace that truly transcends all understanding. It is the most underrated character of God. Last week was difficult for me. I felt the looming departure of Derek to Basic training and a variety other emotions that had all descended upon me. But in the midst of it all, I simply felt calm. I ached, but I stood firm. I stood on the very foundation that Christ, Himself has laid for me. He has given me a tremendous reservoir of faithfulness and goodness to tap. And He has never, ever let me down. This is all the encouragement I need when dark clouds appear.

Derek has been gone now for three days. His number has stopped popping up on my phone, his chair is empty at the table and his truck stays put in the garage. But I’m coping surprisingly well. God has put me in a very good place. Derek was feeling anxiety about entering the unknown and confessed that he cried on the plane trip down to the base. I told him I wanted him to keep one thing in mind—he was on God’s mission first and foremost before the Army’s. I told him if he could truly wrap his head around that, then he would know where he would be getting his strength and courage. It would be the perspective he needed in order to serve as the godly young man that he has become.

I am at peace. I’ve turned Derek over to God and know the Creator of the universe is far more capable than I am of taking care of him. I pray with great confidence and know my best Friend will see Derek through the next four months.