God's Soldier

Derek is back home! He spent all summer at Ft. Benning, GA in Basic training. On Friday, he graduated as an Infantryman. I am so very proud of him. I'm proud that he felt called by God to serve his country when there is almost no military background on my side or Jim's side of the family. I'm proud because he never quit, never wanted to give up and never stopped doing his best while he was down there. He is truly my hero!

But most of all I'm proud because he loves Jesus! While he was at Basic, he found time to read over 12 books of the Bible. When no one was around to push him to stay in God's Word, he still did. When his days were long and tiring, he still found time to read. When he was homesick, he still read. When he was pumped and building relationships, he read some more. He posted the scripture cards I sent to him on the inside of his locker and stayed focused on his faith. He gets it.

As I released my son for the summer and turned him over to God, God showed up. He proved over and over that He can take better care of my son than I can and He can sustain and encourage him when I'm not around. My heart is full. I'm so thankful for God's faithfulness and that Derek's foundation is solid. I delight in God's Word and want the same for my boys. It seems my prayer has been answered.

Both my boys are home and we are enjoying the same fun things we always did...picking on each other, goofing off and just hanging out. I am thrilled to be reunited as a family again and know that God will continue to be the center of our lives. He is our Father and Husband and guides all that we do. I remain confident in His plan for us individually and as a family unit.

May God bless our family; and God bless America!

The Language of Love

Last weekend, Zach and I had a great time at a family camp in Springhill with dear friends. It is three days filled with swimming, zip lining, biking and worshipping. It’s fabulous! During one of the worship sessions, we talked about the five languages of love: Physical touch, Words of affirmation, Gifts, Acts of service, and Quality time. We were to gather as a family and reveal which of these languages we most used to express our love and therefore how we like to have others show us love. I express love mostly in words of affirmation and service, but like to receive expressions of love in words of affirmation and quality time. Zach’s was clearly gifts.

So this week I decided to show him some love. When I picked him up from school on Tuesday, I had a little bag with three of his favorite candies inside. On the outside, I wrote “I want to show my baby some love in the language he understands. I love you, mom!” He smiled really big as he opened the bag, “This is great, mom.” The next day I put his favorite beverage in the same little bag. He opened it and groaned in pleasure as he took a long sip. “I’m so glad we went to Springhill.” He said in a deep throaty voice. He was so pleased. On day 3, I had another one of his favorite drinks. At that point, he couldn’t even voice his joy. He panted and whispered in an almost inaudible voice as he reached for the bag. “I adore you, mom.” On Friday, I had a movie waiting for him that we had just talked about. He was delighted!

I spent almost $15 on gifts for my baby this week, but his reactions and joy was truly priceless. It was so much fun. I wanted him to know that I listened to him and understood what makes him tick. Christmas is by far his favorite time of year. He begins talking about the gifts he wants in September. But he also begins thinking early about what gifts he’s gonna give as well. I’ll have to work on him a bit, though, on giving me love in my language. On one of the days, after he was obviously elated, I just looked at him and said, “So…???” He looked at me and said, “I guess you want some words of affirmation?” I paused and waited. He, then, said without missing a beat, “I’ll let your friends do that.”

Grave Sites, New Daddies & Adoption...

Zach and I have really good, deep conversations sometimes. And those are great! But often I find out his thoughts in random ways. He makes a comment that seems a little silly at the time, but reflects what’s on his mind. He tells me I’m the queen of random, since I will often just say something that is totally off track from the conversation at hand—I must accept the moniker he has bestowed on me since it’s so true. We are far too much alike.

This morning on our way to school, Zach asked where he’ll be buried when he dies. So we discussed that my spot has already been paid for. I’ll be cremated and in the same plot as daddy. I told him I’d love to have him and Derek near us, but that was their decision. However, at the end of the day it didn’t really matter where we were buried on earth, because we’d all end up together in heaven. That seemed to satisfy him.

Then the conversation went on about the potential of a future husband for me. He continued to emphatically state his opposition to this as quite frankly not even an option up for discussion. I told him that I was not seeking, but if God put someone in the path of our family than I could guarantee he would be happy with God’s plan. He wasn’t picking up what I was laying down, but acquiesced for the moment…that was progress in and of itself.

The conversation took one more turn and he began to talk about adoption. I told him I did not feel a calling in this area. He said he thought it would really be cool to have a black brother or two right around his age. He wanted to know all about the process. Do we get to pick their age? How do the adoption agencies match them to us? And on and on he went. He wanted to know if I’d send them to Covenant or Danville schools and began to talk as if it were in the works. Then he ended the conversation as we approached his school saying, “Wow, we could really surprise Derek when he gets home.”

I smiled as he closed the car door with his backpack strapped on. It was great conversation with my precious 15-year old that I could have missed if I dismissed his initial comment as just too random for my attention. I read a book a while back that addressed this very thing—taking all these seemingly sporadic moments as golden opportunities with your child. God moves in their minds and hearts differently than He moves in ours…I don’t want to ever miss what’s He’s doing in their lives.

But I did miss one a while back. We got back from a mission trip in late July and had the joy of getting to know a family of 7 that went on the trip with us. On the way home, Zach said, “You know mom, all our friends have big families. We don’t. We don’t even seem like a family, but just two people living together.” I smile when I now repeat it and it’s become a bit of a tag line, but there may have been something deeper there that I missed altogether. I’ll get back to you on that one…I need to pick that back up with Zach at a later date.

Phone Calls and Football

God’s been challenging me in a lot of ways lately, but He is also very kind to fill me up with sweet pleasures out of the blue. This past Friday, I missed a call from Derek and was so sad since I haven’t talked to him since we were there to visit. But last evening my phone vibrated during devotions at small group. I looked down to see it was an incoming call from Georgia. My heart skipped a beat; I was so excited. I felt pure delight as we talked and even after I hung up. I know there was an afterglow on my face. It made my whole day.

And earlier that day, I was watching Zach play in the back yard with a few friends. I could just see him from afar and tell that he was in pure heaven hanging out and playing with his great friends. I was thanking God for the gift of life and for bringing boys along side Zach that bring him so much joy. I was delighting in God and all that He is to our family.

I want to hold on to that delight as I head into the week. Zach loves sports and loves me to pitch football to him. He begs me to play almost every evening after dinner. He will even start on the way home from school, “Think we can play football tonight, mom?” I always say something along the same lines… “Probably, let’s see.” I find I love to play with him and very thankful that my 15-year old still enjoys sports with me, but sometimes I’m just tired and want to chill with a book. So I answer slightly in the affirmative with wiggle room to let me off the hook if I so choose.

Yesterday as I was visiting with a neighbor, she said that she saw Zach and me in the backyard the other evening. She said watching me, as his mother, throw the football to him brought tears to her eyes. That touched me. I never thought that a simple act of playing sports with my second born could affect someone else.

I thought last night and this morning that those precious opportunities that God gives me with my boys, friends, or a neighbor should never be wasted. As a matter of fact, God had told me that a few days ago when He gave me this Scripture - Ephesians 5:15-16 “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”

Living Water

I've been camping on John 7:38 for the last two days. "Whoever believes in me, as the scriptures has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." I was was intrigued with the idea of streams of water flowing. I was thinking yesterday what that really looks like for me when I wake up each morning.

If "Jesus is the well that won't run dry. Jesus is the drink that satisfies" as we sang in church this morning, then how is that expressed in my everyday life. If I believe it (and I do), then what am I doing and how am I living that creates a desire in others to have that same living water flow inside them? I meditated on that Friday night and all day yesterday.

Today at church as we studied out of the 18th chapter of 1 Kings where God showed up mightily in a rain of fire on the alter to prove He was the one and only God, I wrote the question: What is my Baal? I thought...what is my false god...what interferes in my relationship with Jesus Christ that forces the living water inside me to go from a stream to a trickle?

God clearly brought two things to my head and heart. Both are intangibles. One is a character flaw that must be stomped on and disposed of once and for all and the other is actually something I thought brought me closer to Him, but in fact, has recently been drawing me away. I never realized that until today. Both will not disappear without a great deal of prayer and meditation, but I am convinced on the other side, there is a new Germaine just waiting.

I was thinking what I would look like with both of these issues gone from my life forever. The thought is captivating. Wow! How deep I could go with my Savior? I can't wait to find out. In the meantime for those of you who read my blog, please pray for me. It is going to be a very, very tough road for me to let go of things I been living with for years and years. But I am determined with my God to have beautiful streams of water flowing within me and from me for all the world to see.

35 Hours of Family Bliss

Zach and I hit the road on Thursday afternoon. We were headed to Columbus, Ga to visit Derek at Ft. Benning. He had a 35-hour pass and we had him on our minds. Nashville was our old stomping grounds ten years ago and that just happened to be half way. We pulled in Thursday night and I was not expecting the intensity of the emotions that began to fill me. The familiar sites and signs brought back such a wonderful flood of memories…then the painful tears wanted to come. Those memories involved four people and now we are a family of three. But that’s my bubble. I stay on it all the time. The immense joy…then the pain of my loss…it’s just my life.

We got in to Columbus late Friday afternoon and scouted out the area before getting Derek the next morning. I was so pumped to see him. Zach was excited, but he is a 15-year old boy and doesn’t get all giddy like his mama. By the time I began driving through the base a little before 9am on Saturday, I was shaking. Derek saw me from afar and began running to me. He said he couldn’t miss me with my pink “Army Mom” shirt and all.

It was pure joy for me over the next two days. We laughed, we told stories, goofed off and we ate…we ate a lot! I was thinking how wonderful it was to be with both my boys every single minute of the day. I remember that being such a special part of our mission trip to Mexico in 2007. From the time we boarded the plane, we spent 24 hours a day together for 8 days…that’s exactly how all day Saturday and Sunday was. I wouldn’t trade that time for anything. And as I chatted with Derek, I learned he loves the idea of serving his country as much as ever and has stood firm in his faith against the tide of his unit. He is a solid young man with a very big heart. I could not ask for much more!

I could still feel the bubbling affect of my joy as I sat down to eat dinner with Zach last night after arriving home. I just giggled at every silly comment he made. And then the giggles turned into full blown howls where I couldn't catch my breath and tears streamed down my face. My stomach hurt…but it was a good hurt.

I was thinking today about living more fully in priority and with the same level of joy that I felt for those 35 hours.

Psalm 30:11-12 “You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.”

In Motion

I always feel like I’m in motion. God always seems to be on the move in my life. He challenges me, teaches me, and convicts me. This keeps me mighty busy. I was thinking this past weekend that there always seems to be something that He is asking me to work on. My mind is always trying to sync up with my heart and connect with exactly where God wants me to be. It’s a 24-hour a day process that would appear exhausting on the surface, but I find quite exhilarating.

The latter part of last week wasn’t the best for me emotionally, but God never stopped working. He reminded me that He is challenging me to fight through difficult times so I can be stronger and more able to fight other battles that He has in mind. So I keep at it. I pick myself up and fix my eyes in that holy direction. I just keep moving. If I stop, I don’t grow. If I’m not moving forward, then I’ve accepted my character just as it is. No, that’s not an option.

I also want my boys to see that movement as well. I want them to shape their thinking around God’s way of thinking. So in letters to Derek and conversations with Zach, I speak boldly about issues they face as teenage boys. I remind them that the wisdom I bring to them is not mama’s opinion, but God’s instruction. I want them to catch the hard stuff and have their character shaped by it.

So I have to stay in motion. They need to see me living it first, and then they need to claim it for themselves. Zach and I have had some pretty tough conversations lately about boy teenage stuff that can get a bit tricky for a mama to address, but I go at it unrelentingly. I will never assume they understand the Biblical perspective on something. I want them to hear it from my lips.

When Derek writes to me from Basic training camp and lets me know he’s finishing his 12th book of the Bible and can’t wait to share with me what God has been teaching him, I know that God is on the move with him as well. I know that he caught some of what he’s witnessed in my life, some of what we’ve discussed and has been open enough to let God in to work.

So I stand here in glorious celebration of God’s movement in my life and that of my boys. I’ll keep at it and hopefully He’ll see fit to use me a bit along the way.

Falling So I Could Stand

There’s an old saying that goes ”If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.” I’d like to think that as I go through life, I stand up for Jesus. I’d like to think that what He tells me is important is what truly drives me. I’d like to think that I don’t fall easily. I was confronted with that reality last Thursday on my mission trip.

I had such an incredible week serving. I loved the relationships that I developed, not only with team members, but with the owners of the home I worked on. I sat quietly each day and asked God to teach me and He did. And I had a lot of fun…I laughed at times until tears streamed down my face. I felt joy and was greatly blessed.

On Thursday morning, I was on the roof of a house where I had been all week. We put a tin roof on one side and were now working on the other side. It was raining so we worked intermittently between the rain drops. At one point, I was on the edge of the roof as I crouched down to put the last row of screws in a 3 foot piece of tin. My left foot slipped. As I tried to catch myself, my right foot hit the wet tin and in seconds I realized both feet had slipped and I was going down. In that moment, I looked down and saw that a deck and metal table below were about to greet me. Pure terror went through my veins. I remember thinking, “This is it.” And then I fell.

The pain that encompassed my body was worse than child birth. As I laid on the gurney in the ER for over 2 hours, I just talked to God. He taught me about my attachment to this world. He revealed areas of my life that I held on to a bit too tightly. I knew things needed to change. I was so thankful for that time with Him and that teachable moment that changed my perspective.

Later, the doctor told me not a thing was broken and I was free to go. I was still in great pain, but I was healable. I was up walking and talking and felt such joy and freedom that by the time I reached the parking lot of the hospital, I was dancing. I know without out a doubt, I fell into the arms of Jesus. I did not actually bounce off a deck as my team members witnessed. I’m sure it just looked like that to them.

So I may, at some point, physically fall again, but have pushed my faith stake deeper in the ground and I will always stand up for my Jesus! Two scriptures come to mind as I think about this world - Ecclesiastes 2:11 "Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind: nothing was gained under the sun." and Psalm 127:1 "Unless the Lord builds the house, it's builders labor in vain."

I must concentrate on the things in this world that have eternal value...nothing else much matters.

Loving Deep in the Mountains

Zach and I just got back on Friday from our mission trip to Frakes, KY. It's on the border of TN in the Appalachia mountains. It was an awesome trip serving the poor in that area. I was blessed beyond measure in all that God taught me, the relationships that were formed and the joy of helping create a better home for several needy families.

The day before I left, God opened my eyes to the heart of neglected children in a way that was seared deep within. A few weeks ago, I realized all the letters I was sending Derek while he was in Basic training were not getting to him because I had the address wrong. I was so haunted by the fact that my firstborn spent the first four weeks not getting a single letter from me and thought I didn't care enough to bother writing. The pain was very difficult for me to pray through, so I knew there was a lesson in that. I asked God to reveal it to me.

Last Saturday, I was watching a video on friend's blog about how orphans are often brokenhearted because they may never get a birthday card from family and then later that night I began reading a book about a guy who spent his adolescent years in abusive foster homes. He said, "My only real sadness was that no one in my family every tried to make contact with me." I began to cry. I felt their pain. I could only think of the deep hurt that must have gone through my son's heart and he only had to go four weeks without hearing from me...what if he had to carry that same pain for a lifetime. It was almost more than I could bear.

As I sat in Frakes, KY on Sunday night listening to the pastor speak from Isaiah 6, I could feel my heart begin to ache again. He quoted Isaiah when he responded to God by saying, "Here I am. Send me!" (v8) Each time I leave Danville to serve, I am gripped by the fact that my mission is the same whether I'm here in Indiana, Kentucky, Mexico, or Africa.

I am called to serve and to love with all my heart. This life is not about me! "Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1

Happy Birthday To Me!

Forty-five years ago today, God blessed me with the gift of life. I look back and think...wow, where did all those years go? I don't know how many more years I get to enjoy before God calls me home, but I do know I'm delighted to be right here, right now.

I was on "poop patrol" earlier today. We have two labs, so it seems I spend quite a bit a time in the back yard cleaning up. Today as I strolled around looking for landmines, I found myself just grinning from ear to ear...for no particular reason. I was just happy to be alive and was delighting in the day.

Each day seems to be a opportunity to experience Jesus in a new way. Yesterday morning a very unexpected large check showed up in the mail, so God led me to give almost half of it away and put the rest in the bank. Last night, Zach was all wound up and was in my bedroom until after midnight sharing all kinds of things with me. I love those moments we spend together. And today, I had such a deep level of peace and joy that I can't explain.

I know Jesus is the reason for how I feel when there is no earthly reason I should feel the way I do. My circumstances haven't changed all that much, but my body and soul are one with absolute contentment. That's when I know that He came all the way down out of heaven just for me.

Late this afternoon, I received an e-mail from a friend that just thrilled me. I was thinking that God is not only great, but He is very, very good. I pray that I remain fixed on Him now and forever.

Oh, today was wonderful...to many it would appear that nothing much exciting happened, but it was my very special gift straight from heaven and I don't intend to take that gift for granted. It is my favorite day of the week. And when tomorrow becomes today, it, too, will be my favorite day of the week.