A Sense of Urgency

Tragedy lives right next door to all of us. I am in the midst of watching dear friends struggle against the vicious enemy of cancer, a young girl crumble under the weight of grief from the loss of her daddy, and many other struggles that I see almost daily as this fallen world brings great burdens to my friends and so many very good people.

It would be easy to fall into the trap of feeling bad and then a few minutes later going about my business of planning dinner and thinking about the weekend. But I can’t. I’m affected somewhere deep inside and I hurt for the pain that they must endure as they travel planet earth.

But I ask myself--what difference does it make to me? What will I do differently today when I am exposed in such intimate ways with such tragedy on a regular basis? I have found that it creates in me a great sense of urgency. In my pursuit of Jesus and His will for my life, it is not enough anymore just to take a casual approach to His leading. I must intensify my desire to make Him the center of each day and each hour of my life.

And that renewed sense of passion brings about an excitement that knows no bounds. I love to love Jesus and I look so forward to what He has in store for me. I want to pursue a life with Him in such a way that nothing but full surrender will do. Worldly desires and materialistic goals no longer have a hold on me and it is a wonderful freedom that comes only in this urgent desire to find Him in every crevice of my day.

So I’ll not start looking tomorrow or in just a minute, I’m looking right now. I want to see Jesus in the face of my sons, in the drive in the morning to work, in my kitchen at dinner time and in my quiet hours of evening. And you know what? I’ve found He never disappoints. He shows up and blesses me immensely for my obedience to Him.

May God create in all of us an urgency to see Him more fully—starting right now!

And He Heard Me

I recently finished my book that describes my journey since the death of my husband 3 years ago. I can, at this point, easily write about where I’ve been and what God has done for me without great pain. The joy of Jesus far outweighs the burden of my loss.

However, the pain still lurks. The only way I know to describe it is that the monster never sleeps. The pain is always looking for a way to escape and so I just learn to live with it. And I never know when it’s going to get the best of me. Sometimes that’s frustrating. I can just be tooling along and having a good time in life and then bam! It strikes. It used to sneak up on me, but I got onto its little tactics. Now it’ll just attach to something that is already bothering me and the next thing I know, I’m on my knees.

It’s hard, but it’s the “thorn” (2 Cor. 12:7-10) that God has given me to keep me close to Him. I’m okay with it, but sometimes I just gets tired. I have found my joy-filled life comes by being completely present in the simplest moments that occur each day. And sometimes they truly are just moments. It may be an inside joke or great conversation with my youngest son on the way to school. It may be sharing a goofy story with someone at work. It may be the checkout person who seems particularly happy and shares her enthusiasm with me. It may be a few minutes with someone who wants to share what God is doing. All these small things make my day worth living. And I go looking for them each morning.

Big stuff still happens to me and God is moving in profound ways, but each day is filled with all kinds of little glories if I am intentional about finding them. And when I’m down and the monster strikes, I find great comfort in knowing that…”In my distress I cried to the Lord and he heard me.” (Psalm 120:1 nkjv) Sometimes I need to be reminded that He hears me. When no one else is around and I am all alone, the Creator of the universe is never too busy...He stands ready and waiting as if I'm the only one He has on His agenda for the day..."and he heard me."

Smelling Like Jesus

I was recently browsing the blog of a friend and came across an entry where she spoke of “smelling like Jesus.” She was referring to 2 Corinthians 2:14-16. I looked up these 3 verses and was blown away. I love when I read God’s Word and it becomes so powerful that the words jump up and start doing a jig all over the page. And the words, “For we are to God the aroma of Christ…” (v. 15) became an intense focus for me over the last 10 days.

I committed the verses to memory and began to think about what it really means to have God work through me to “spread everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of Him.” (v. 14) Wow! I know, as a believer, I am a vessel to be used by Him, but how can I change who I am right now so I can truly spread His fragrance?

I have found that God does not make suggestions or requests in His Word. It's a book of declarations and requirements--we are to be like Him in all we do and all we say. So I’ve prayed about areas where I can step it up. My pastor posed a question yesterday in his sermon..."What is it like to be on the other side of me?" This is a great gauge for me to assess the "fragrance" that I'm spreading. When someone is standing on the other side of me, do they see compassion...generosity...humility...joy...do they smell Jesus?

So each night as the sun goes down, I'm gonna make a point to assess my reflection to others. I know I have a lot of work to do, but thankfully due to God's grace I ain't where I was. I'll keep working and He’ll keep carrying me. And maybe, each day, I'll start smelling a little less like me and lot more like Him.

Meeting Jesus on the Lake

I had the pleasure of spending 4 fun-packed days with great friends at a camp in southern Indiana this past weekend. I have always loved being on the water more than being in the water. And I got to do lots of that last weekend. I spent quite a bit of time in a kayak on the lake.

On Sunday afternoon, Jesus was there waiting for me. It’s always amazing to me how He meets me and astounds me in the most incredible ways. His goal is always to draw me closer to Him and help me gain a greater passion to love Him more deeply. And when He reveals how an area of my life from many years prior is now perfectly fitting into His plan for me…well, that is all the more confounding and beautiful.

My favorite Christian group used to be Point of Grace. About 10 years ago while living in Nashville, TN, I listened to them all the time and bought every CD the minute it came out. I would crank it up and get lost in their music message on my way to work most mornings. By far, my favorite song was God Forbid. To this day, it is still one of my all-time favorites.

The song talks about our casual approach to a God who is “beyond my understanding; no less than everything” as they sing in the last refrain. The chorus goes like this:

God forbid, that I find you so familiar
That I think of you as less than who you are
God forbid, that I should speak of you at all
Without a humble reverence in my heart
God Forbid

I remember thinking back then how I would love to get to a place where just the sound of His name would give me chills and bring me to my knees. But I was not there. As a matter of fact, I was far from there. But that was my heart’s desire.

Well, Sunday afternoon as I was gliding along the lake in my kayak and taking in God’s glorious creation, He showed up and spoke to my heart. I was just repeating, “Jesus, oh, Jesus” softly as I rowed along. Each time I said His name, I could feel my insides burning and my throat choking closed. I was weak. I humbled myself before Him and continued to say, “Jesus, oh, Jesus.” And then I wept.

As I continued along, God reminded me of my time in Nashville when I craved to be a person so dependent upon Him and so in love with Him that it created a “humble reverence in my heart.” He said to me, “My child, you are there.”

The encounter was so powerful and so intimate that by the time I lay my head on my pillow that night all I could do was sob. I needed to release the emotion of my encounter with Jesus on the lake.

My goal is that I not only continue as His humble child, but that I always get weak in the knees simply at the sound of His name.

Jesus, oh, Jesus!

Bringing Africa to Danville

God revealed Himself to me while in Tanzania in very intimate ways. His presence was so full and He renewed areas where He wanted me to become more passionate on a daily basis. As I continue to listen to God, His leading is guiding me to new areas of concentration in my spiritual life.

As I settle back into life, I continue to struggle in several areas. I feel a new excitement to live more fully for Jesus, but I am still fighting a few issues of unrest that won't quite settle down. But I will continue to focus each day on my Maker and He will get me to where He wants me to be.

So what did I learn in Africa that God clearly wants me to bring back to Danville? Here are just a few things that were pressed on my heart:

1. As I worshiped the same God half way around the world, it became very personal to me that God is SO big and we are small. And I can have an impact where ever I go if I just follow Him.


2. The magnificence of His beauty that He shared with me in Babati and on the safari gave me taste of heaven. I know I need to stay even more eternally focused.


3. Spiritual poverty is far worse than economic poverty--I'd rather be homeless with Jesus than alone in a mansion.


4. My mission trip was much less about the mission itself and much more about what God wanted to teach me.


5. There is nothing more powerful than a personal testimony, even on another continent.


6. My leftovers can change lives--$20/month can give a young child hope; 18 days out of 365 allowed me to join in God's work and have a small impact; my paint-splattered clothing I left behind will be scooped up by locals. Imagine if we all gave our best every day.


7. My lives intersected with certain people in Tanzania for a purpose...I'll wait to see what God reveals.


8. There continues to be no greater joy in my spiritual life than obedience. Obeying God by stepping on that plane to Tanzania is just the start of many more blessings to come.

God showed up big time and challenged me to live more completely for Him every single day back here in Danville. He stirred something deep within that had never been touched. Things are still percolating as I move to serve God and He is still revealing His will to me...

Peace.