A Widow's Might

I've been on this journey for over 3 years, so I've read all God's exhortations about His provision for me as a widow. From Exodus to James and all in between I can find verses where God sets forth His covenant of care and comfort for me. And I must say I have clung to many of those verses in my dark hours.

However, He has recently taught me something new. A while back I was reading in 1 Kings 17 about the widow who provided food for Elijah. She had nothing. But God asked her, through Elijah, to give all she did have on faith and He would make sure she was rewarded for it. And verse 15 states her response. "She went away and did as Elijah had told her..." Wow, on faith, she gave all she had. It was not until this week that I really understood why that scripture stood out to me back then.

This week I was reading in Mark and found myself camping in chapter 12 at the story of the widow's offering. I've read it a hundred times, but God spoke in a clear voice about my obligation to Him. Jesus commended the widow above all the rich people, even though her offering was only 2 mites or the equivalent of less a penny. He stated why in verse 44. "They all gave out of their wealth; but she, out of poverty, put in everything - all she had to live on."

I was stunned at God's conviction this week about my response to Him. He does promise to protect and care for me, but He also requires great action on my part. He wants me to give my all - give everything totally as an act of faith. He wants nothing less. Both widows in these stories gave everything they had - what an incredible faith.

With all my might, I strive to give it all over to the One who has given His all to me. I need to act on my faith more boldly and more completely. I've been meditating on ways I can do just that...where are the areas of my life that I've not allowed God to penetrate and where do I need to surrender more completely? I plan to answer those questions in short order.

Music to my Ears

I hung out Friday night with my new best friend, Natalie Grant. Okay, I know, she's a 3-time award winning vocalist of the year...but I am sure she smiled at me during one of the songs...yeah, she spotted me out in the 4th row amidst the sea of several hundred peeps. Well, I haven't told her we're friends yet, but I will.

Anyway, she was phenomenal. Chris Sligh and Merideth Andrews opened for her and they were magnificent as well. Chris sang one of my favorite songs...Empty Me. I've blogged about that song before, but it is so powerful...Lord, empty me of me so I can be filled with You. I was in heaven. And after 2 great performances, my girl, Natalie stepped out on stage. Oh, I had forgotten how much I loved concerts.

She started out with a bang singing I Will Not Be Moved. I was singing and bogeying. It is such a powerful song about the chaos and brokeness of life, but as the chorus goes...I will stumble; I will fall down; But I will not be moved. Amen. I will NOT be moved! I leaned over to my friend and said, "That alone was worth the $18.50 admission."

Toward the end of the concert, we all sang together a simple, but deeply moving song. And I've been singing it non-stop since then - much to the annoyance of my boys...

I have decided to follow Jesus
I have decided to follow Jesus
I have decided to follow Jesus
No turning back, no turning back.

After I got home, I was still on a high and was thinking about why the evening was so powerful. And it was simple for me. There were 3 very gifted people using their talents for one thing - to give glory to God. And there is nothing more inspiring to me. It is so transparent when people make things about themselves. But when someone steps aside, raises themself to God Almighty and gives Him all the credit for all they are...well, that my friends is how we are meant to live. Then others are attracted to you, because they see God in you and working through you. Wow! May I be moved to do just that!!

Prep School

Over a month ago, I wrote about “mama’s school of learning.” And, by the way, that is going very well. The boys, particularly Derek, are finding some of the spiritual books very fascinating. This in turn prompts great dialogue and probing into issues that continue to build that foundation they both so desperately need.

Well, I was churning through a few issues this past week about various things – a conversation that did not sit well with me, a path that seemed like God’s leading and then no movement, and an internal character issue that I can’t overcome. I battle and struggle and wonder why I can’t get past some of these things with grace and joy. That’s the way I’m supposed to live, right?

When those little daily trials come along, I’m supposed to live out my faith in how I respond to them. When I struggle in the snare, then I’ve taken the bait. So, I do what always works – I go to Jesus even more. I throw myself into His Word and soften my heart to be attentive to whatever He has to say to me. And He spoke.

He told me that I’m in “Papa’s school of learning.” He has stuff He wants to teach me and they only come in the little moments of each day. If I can’t respond to them properly, then why would He enlarge my territory to advance His Kingdom? Very simply, He won’t.

In Jeremiah 18, He reminded me that I’m clay in the hands of the Potter. “Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand…” (v 6) And then later that same day, He spoke to me through the story of Joshua. Joshua had no idea when he was asked to go check out the Promised Land and he stood firm by his convictions that it was possible to overcome, that 40 years later the mantel would be passed to him. It would be he who actually leads God’s people across the river to conquer the land God promised. God was teaching him. God was molding him. But he didn’t know. He just responded.

So must I. I look forward to Papa’s school – His prep school – that is teaching me how to be better equipped to carry His message. I’m so thankful for the wisdom He shows me and the grace He offers daily.

A Table for Three Please

I’ve often alluded in other blogs to our dinner table conversations, but this week I’ve been particularly reflective on them. They are the central regrouping point of the day for us. We plan our entire evening around getting to the table. And when it doesn’t happen, I feel like there’s a big hole in my evening.

But don’t let my joy of the dinner table elude you into thinking they are always Kodiak moments – remember I have 15 and 18 year old boys. But I wouldn’t trade the camaraderie for the world. Even when it starts off with someone having a bit of an attitude, it almost never ends that way. It’s a rare occasion when we all 3 don’t leave the table in a great mood.

We take turns saying grace. Each evening, I look at one of them, nod and say, “It’s your turn.” They are reluctant participants, but it’s not optional, so they resign themselves. The rule is often whoever puts food on their plate before we all sit down or takes the first bite must say grace. Zach almost always loses here. And Derek always gloats!

So the other evening, we all sat down and Zach’s plate was already full. He was filling it as I was putting the food on the table. I could see Derek grinning out of the corner of my eye, so I sat down, looked directly at Zach, nodded and said, “Derek, please have grace.” Derek and I just lost it. I laughed cuz I think I’m so funny and Derek was so caught off guard, he couldn’t compose himself for several minutes. Well, it was probably one of those “had to be there" moments.

My boys bring so much joy to my life; I can’t even begin to thank God enough for what He’s done in our family. I see them maturing in their faith and in their relationship with each other. It makes my heart swell.

So I’ll rest on that thought and not allow my mind to begin to wander to this summer when Derek will be gone for 18 weeks at Basic training and our table for 3 will be a table for 2…no, I’m not going there just yet. Actually, I think I'll turn my thoughts to when we all 3 will be sitting at the Great Banquet and their daddy can join us.