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Prepping For The Mission
The night before the boys and I left for Mexico, I wanted to have time just to settle down and prep for the trip. So we went out to dinner, chatted and prayed together. We then picked up a few last minute items and just hung out at the house. It was nice.
As we got into the evening, I was discussing with Derek how God calls us all to different things and regardless we must be obedient. The conversation drew toward the “least of these” and orphans. I told him that I didn’t feel a call to adopt, but only to help in other capacities. I said, “However, if God called me to that end, I wouldn’t have a choice but to be obedient…and I do think I could imagine a couple of little boys running around the house.”
He shut that conversation down quickly. He didn’t even want to discuss it. Both boys are very protective of our current family unit. They don’t like the thought of a new daddy or additional brothers. I think there is a lot of security for them in leaving things right as they are. I told Derek that I understood how he felt, but God’s call is not my choice.
So after arriving in Mexico on Saturday, we spent that first day having a pool party and cookout with the kids from two of the orphanages. Derek was having a ball playing with the little boys and they quickly became quite attached to him. As we were eating, Derek looked at me and said, “I’m gonna go ahead and warn you mom that you’re gonna be a grandma several times over before this week is done.” I smiled as I thought of our conversation just two days prior. He was in love with these kids and could feel his heart being pulled.
That is exactly why I love to serve with my boys. I love to experience the joy they receive as God works in their hearts unexpectedly. I begin to imagine what it would be like if the three of us could go serve overseas for a year together. I’d love that and would do it in a heartbeat. I don’t see it happening, but I’ll wait and trust…who knows what God has in mind.
My Send Off
I was reading through the book of Romans prior to leaving for Mexico. Just a few days before we left, I found myself camping in chapter 10, verse 15: And how can they preach unless they are sent? As it is written, "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!"
It was the verse God chose to accompany me as I left. It became a very powerful force for me. As I meditated on the verse, so much came to mind regarding my purpose not just on this mission trip, but my single purpose in life. It is to bring the Good News. I love the first line that lays it out for me…I can’t preach if I’m not sent and the only way I can be sent is if I answer, “Yes.” I must act. I must be obedient to His call. No other substitute will due.
And then as I answer the call to spread the Gospel, my Savior calls me beautiful. I can’t think of anything that brings me more joy than knowing my Lord sees beauty in my actions. So with my beautiful feet, I leaped all the way to Mexico. I couldn’t wait to get there.
Spreading the Gospel looks differently on each trip I’ve taken and certainly on this trip as well. “Preaching” comes in different forms. A child who has been abandoned by their parents, who lacks a room to call their own, bedtime stories each night and a birthday party just for them doesn’t care to be “preached” to. They want to be loved. They want to know for the moment you are with them that they matter. It’s through these acts that a platform is developed to then let them know, I love them and so does Jesus.
My feet took off and rarely stayed on the ground while I was there, but I know for that week there were kids who felt special and felt cared for even if it was just for a short time.
Crossing The Border
As we began to plan for the trip and book our flights, we found out that the prices of plane tickets skyrocketed. We decided to save money and try an alternative route, so we booked a flight to McAllen, TX, a town right on the border and took a bus to Monterrey. I was excited about the new route. I’ve sat in many airports. That does not thrill me. So Saturday morning, we left our hotel and jumped on a bus to cross the border. As we approached the border patrol station to enter the country of Mexico, I found the scene particularly odd. There was not a single car at the border. The place is usually a mad house.
As our bus pulled up, the bus driver got off and chatted with the guys patrolling the border. In a few minutes, one of the guys got on our bus to check things out. He walked down the isle, looked around a bit and then got off. A short time later, we were on our way to Mexico. It was great. I found out later on that the Internet was showing that the McAllen entrance to the border was closed, so I guess no one headed that way. I am thankful for God’s provision in allowing us a perfectly safe and short passage to Mexico. I was reminded of Malachi 1:5 “You will see it with your own eyes and say, ‘Great is the Lord—even beyond the borders of Israel!’” I did see with my own eyes that our great God moved beyond the borders of Israel right to the border of Mexico.
The trip back across was equally as safe. By the following Saturday, the traffic had increased greatly because another border site was actually closed. It was a 3-hour ride to the border from Monterrey and then we sat at the border for 3 hours until we were allowed to cross. It was an easy process as we exited the bus with our luggage, walked through security and to the other side. The bus picked us up and we were on our way. We all expressed our delight that the delay was on the back end and not as we were headed to serve Jesus.
Even with all the constant negative coverage in the news of the violence between the cartels and police, I can honestly say there was not a single moment as our team moved back and forth across the border where I felt unsafe. I felt the same during my entire stay at Back2Back. I would not hesitate to do it again.
Breaking My Heart
The founder of World Vision is often quoted as saying, “I want my heart to be broken by the things that break the heart of God.” That idea permeated much of my journal writing and thoughts as I served through the week. I’ve had my heart broken in Africa, Haiti and already in Mexico, but I wanted it to break in new places. I wanted it to break and not mend.
The founder of Back2Back ministries, Beth Guckenberger, insists that she is not looking for people to come down and have a mountaintop experience. She wants orphan advocates. Period. So as our team worshipped together and debriefed during the evening, we walked through a concept that helped shift our way of thinking from just the week to how it affects our character for God. It starts with an experience, which leads to reflection, which leads to change, which leads to action. Each of the fours steps are designed to allow us to move with God beyond one week in Mexico.
Each day as we visited orphanages, played with the kids, worshipped with them and did painting and construction projects to improve where they call home, I found myself processing my broken heart. I wanted God to build my character, teach me to see them through His eyes and then shift my way of thinking on how my gifts, my passions, and my energy can be used for His service.
I’m still processing all that He taught me and where He is leading me…
The Mountains Burst Forth
Each morning I arose early to have extra quiet time with God. I grabbed a cup of coffee and my Bible as I stepped out on the steps to view the most stunning mountains I have ever seen. Some mornings the fog would be floating along the tips and burn off as the sun peaked through and kissed the edges of the mountains. It was a magnificent sight! I immediately turned in my Bible to Isaiah 55:12 “You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace. The mountains and the hills will burst forth into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.” I truly felt like the mountains before me were bursting forth into song. Nature is my sanctuary. I can go for a walk in the woods or just be outside and feel the presence of Jesus.
Due to the way hurricane Alex devastated the campus of Back2Back ministries and flooded surrounding areas, we had to take a bus the first day to one of the orphanages that was only a mile away. I so wanted to walk and just be outside and enjoy God’s beauty as I headed to serve the “least of these.” On the third day, we were scheduled to go back to that same orphanage to do more projects and I found out the streets had dried enough for us to walk. I was so excited and couldn’t contain myself. Certain things…small things…they bring me great joy. And when I’m on a mission trip, those little joys become even more thrilling.
Down From Heaven
The theme of our devotional for the week was Hunger. Each day I read Scriptures and meditated on a different aspect of hungering for Jesus. It was very good. One day was particularly compelling as God spoke to me through the Bread of Life passage in John 6:25-59. Jesus implores us in this passage to hunger only for Him. To “not work for food that spoils” and remember that “the one who feeds on me will live because of me.” Nothing else will due. Nothing else will satisfy. I camped there for a while. As I reread the passage, I was captivated by the phrase “down from heaven” that was often repeated. I wanted to focus only on things that had eternal value and not the things of this world that do not satisfy.
I held on to this thought as I went into my day to be with the kids. I wanted to look into their face and have them touch my heart and prayed that God would allow me to make a small difference for eternity by showing His love to them. I wanted to step out of His way so He would work through me to show me what He had planned for me in advance of my arrival in Mexico.
God also brought me to Deuteronomy 8 during that same morning. This is one of my favorite books. As I was reading some of Moses’ final words, he was reminding the Israelites of all that God had done for them. I moved to verse 10 “When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you.” I prayed to God that I would always praise Him in the midst of all circumstances and that I would stay focused on Who provided for me and not what He provided.
I moved through that day viewing the kids through His eyes and had an extra spring in my step to improve the place they call home. I thought of the future God has for them…His perfect plan for their life…I wanted them to know how very special they are because the Creator of the universe made them in His image. I often think of Esther. The king had many beautiful women in his harem, but God chose a Jewish orphan to save her people. It breaks my heart that some of these beautiful children may never have the love and encouragement God desires for them so they can live out His plan for their lives.
The Cross Still Stands
On our third day we visiting a squatter village referred to as Rio 3. It was completely devastated by the hurricane that occurred just 2 weeks before our arrival. The poorest of the poor use scraps of anything they can salvage and make their home along the river. That is government property, so in essence it’s free to them unless the government comes along and kicks them off. That usually doesn’t happen.
As I walked along where their homes once stood, I watch as families continued to scrounge through the debris to salvage what little they could to make a new home a short distance farther from the riverbed. The view was stunningly surreal. I kept thinking of a question from my devotional last year during my visit to Mexico when I was asked—what if I woke up one morning in Rio? How would that change my relationship with Jesus? I was consumed by that thought. What if I lost all my worldly possessions and was asked to live in deep poverty? Would I still love Jesus as much as I do today? I don’t have the answer, but I continue to pray that my hold on the things of this world is very loose.
I saw Jesus everywhere, because in my heart I knew He had not abandoned these wonderful people. As I continued to stroll along the riverbank, I was struck by a pole in the shape of the cross, covered in garbage standing all alone. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. God left His footprint behind after the hurricane to remind us all that He had not left and the cross still stands. All are welcome! I could hear Him whispering to me that He had did not leave them and neither should I.
My Precious Ximena
On our final day after our projects were done, we had a completely free day to spend with the kids. We took them to an amusement park. Each of us was matched with a child and they were our partner for the day. My special little two-year old girl was Ximena. During the first hour, she seemed distant. She wanted to do her own thing and holding her was the only thing that helped at all. She didn’t want down, she didn’t want to play, and she didn’t want to ride. So I held her, and she quickly melted. Her face began to light up as I rode the carousal with her and other rides; she played in the water; she seemed to feel safe. She began to touch my heart.
By mid afternoon she was wearing down, so I cuddled her in my arms and sang Christos me ama (Jesus love me) to her. And she was out, so I laid her down on one of the picnic tables under the palopta. As I watched her precious sleeping face, I couldn’t help think about how precious she is in the eyes of Jesus and it saddened me that she may never really understand that. She will grow up with a sense of abandonment, hurt, and poverty. My prayer for her that day and today is that her physical needs continue to be met and that as she gets a little older she is introduced to her Father in heaven who loves her more than she can imagine. This will give her purpose, hope and joy that knows no bounds.
The day before I sang to Ximena and the kids at her home as a group. I watched them as they all napped and caught glimpses of their sweet faces in passing. But now the orphan truly has a face to me. It’s now very personal. It’s breaking my heart.
My Boys
I love serving with Derek and Zach. They are teenage boys who both respond differently to the mission and it’s a joy watching them at work. Derek is an extremely hard worker. Every time I looked around he was covered in sweat and dirt, lifting and carrying out the hardest of the jobs. But as I mentioned earlier, he had his heart melted by the kids as well. The little boys just loved him, and Derek loved them. As we talked after returning home, he said he would love to be back there. He said he wants to go down there and just work hard on behalf of the orphans. He’s young and has a strong back and that’s how he likes to serve.
Zach is much more relational, like his mama. He is not afraid to work and will do anything he is asked, but he loves building new relationships and having fun in the process. He did just that. He trimmed trees, scraped walls and hauled dirt, but he also made new friends. He is fiercely independent and enjoys just approaching people on his own and in his own way without my interference. I love that about him.
I made it a point to have intentional moments with both boys while we were down there, but also let them have their space to experience things on their own. At 16 and 19 that is important to them. I’m fine with that. I love watching from a distance and taking it all in. God is good!
!Nuestro Dios es grande! (Our God is Great)
One of the things I love when I serve in another country is to worship with those I’m serving…in their language and to our same God. It is very moving. We did that on Sunday morning at the children’s home where we spent two days during the week. There was some translation for those like me who only know pieces of the language, but mostly it was completely in Spanish. I loved singing, praying and feeling God’s Spirit move in my heart. I was completely filled.
I love language and enjoy knowing a little bit of at least 5 different ones. As God moves me in a specific direction, I hope to get fluent in just one or two. But only knowing a smattering of Spanish didn’t hinder my time with God. I found myself singing right along and worshipping in a way I don’t always feel in my home church. It was intimate and joyful. I pray I carry that same spirit over into my everyday life.
So What Now…
I continue to process and pray through all that God revealed to me on my trip. I pray my heart remains broken and that He moves deeply in the lives of my boys. I want us all to be forever changed by our experience. I want my actions to be eternally focused and to lay down any level of Esau syndrome that I have where I chose immediate gratification over storing up things in heaven.
I find myself drawn toward a life helping those most set aside by our world…those marginalized…those who are hurting. I’m not sure what this looks like yet, but my heart is open to where God leads and how He wants to use me. I want to hunger for Him and Him alone.
I also pray that my boys will truly see the work God is doing in their lives as individual children of the King and what He is doing in our family as a whole. I’m very proud of them and expressed that to them in a letter when we returned. I wrote them each a very personal letter and laid it on their pillow.
I’ll keep praying and keep staying focused on His face!
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